It was recently pointed out to me there was this new chart for helping us answer the “Who am I” quandary. Never one to not be curious I went ahead and ran my natal information. But as I was mentally focusing on the season with the entire concept of celebrations of light returning to the world as well as our SAD (seasonal affective disorders) I thought this may be better if I snapshot myself or someone else’s incoming energy signature. We are so limited/tunnel vision sometimes in looking at natal or transits we forget progression and future oriented glances to equip ourselves better with potentialities we may encounter. As soon as I saw the results I began to have a massive ah-ha moment as to why I am feeling as I said this morning to family defective and an emotional wreck with trying to process what has been being sent my way on the internet and fed to me literally as in the meals I have been consuming.
It is because I have also recognized I am so ready for 2022. The last two years have been the worst roller coaster rides of my life. I have done my best to weather them with grace and gratitude, but now I am just dying to release the remains of hidden angst I locked away and ignored without giving it proper resolution. And these two years were a literal psycho-spiritual as well as emotional hurricane I have tried to survive without coming out of them as a demolished wreckage. I don’t like roller coaster rides; never have! It’s a quick way to cause me to feel nauseous and to have an anxiety attack coupled with my fear of heights!
I would encourage anyone to do this type of investigation for themselves or others. You do not have to pay for the most basic of charts, however, if you are one who wants to dig deeper you can pay for a more in depth look. What I an referring to is Genetic Matrix.
Today we will compare natal to solar return with a focus on 2022 not my natal which is simply provided for comparison. The information you provide for this is exactly the same information you give for any astrology chart so you will require name, birthdate, birth time, and birth place.
To save us all headaches I am using a lot of references for this post which require you to utilize my underlined hyperlink text. Please think of this as a scavenger hunt! As I love to send people on these.
I can not stress this enough. If you do not use or read anything from the researched links I am sharing you won’t be able to fully or contextually get the message of the blog post in the manner I intended. I do not expect you to agree with me just to be open minded which when I was on social media or put this before people who are self professed know-it-alls and experts who think they do no wrong ever shunned me for it and ostracized me for calling them on their guano. Same happened with MBTI. No one likes to think of life as a hypothesis and a science fair project. With no experimentation humans would be living as Plato’s cave people still, and we would have never made the advances we have made thus far. Why do people enjoy living in self imposed prisons?
I don’t go around thinking I know-it-all, and I believe this is one of the biggest mistakes most people are making out of their superiority/inferiority complexes and their innate need to be seen in some manner as worshiped by another due to excessive pride/vanity. Which reminds me of that strange quote about pride/vanity leading to a fall from grace when not kept in check. So I left them as I have previously said I do not have to walk your path. I do not have to behave as you do. Nothing anywhere says I have to live like you and be like you. Nothing says I am in the wrong for being true to myself. I am fine being alone or all one as a solitary. I have done so most of my life and it has never frightened me. It helps me to then not fear abandonment and to not be co-dependent so that I learn inter-dependence.
I also know the usual will come to troll and flame me for always using myself as an example. If there is one thing I do not get it is digging up famous people’s birth charts if you never got their permission. As I’ve said this is why I use my ancestors or myself. It seems presumptive to not have permission to use a client’s info and to do so regardless ignoring boundaries or to assume I have the “right” to use another’s info without them authorizing it. I find it rude or borderline theft of an identity so we’ll have to agree to disagree. The best way to learn sometimes is to actually be the one actively “performing or doing the work” because it shows someone who lives or leads by example. It also allows our mistakes to be on display which many others are not willing to be that vulnerable!
I am an Emotional Manifestor with a 1/3 Investigating/Martyr profile, Single definition, RAX Unexpected 2 incarnation cross, and the following channels:
When we consider emotions we have to recognize that people confuse their thoughts and feelings. They will say that they feel something when what they are actually communicating to us is their thoughts. Emotions are a single word descriptor for our emotional feelings which happen in our body while thoughts are the sentences, ideas, attitudes, moods, memories, and such which happen from within our minds.
The emotional and not-self themes which Genetic Matrix utilizes are collections of thoughts which tend to become our attitudes about life. These are the stories we tell about the way life is treating us and the lens that we see this world through. They always begin in the mental realm first.
Thoughts do create emotional feelings therefore there will be some feelings which come along for the ride. These feelings are absolutely not limited to the ones implied by Human Design’s emotional or the not-self themes. Our feelings generate the fuel of our actions which indicates strongly that there are clear and distinct actions which will fall within the realm of emotional and not-self themes.
Most important we as humans are adopting a belief that we will somehow magically live happily ever after and experience our emotional signature all the time on a permanent basis. But and this is very important with shadow work happily ever after is for the end of our romantic comedies and fairy tales. Real life on Earth is all about emotional contrasts and it gets messy as you know. It’s about all the guano that happens before the happy ever after.
We are “supposed to” feel the full spectrum of emotions. There will be moments of bliss followed by moments of abject unwanted torture. There will be moments of joy followed by moments of heart wrenching sadness. There will be moments of foul obnoxious anger followed by moments of wondrous peace. All of it is part of our human experience. There is not one thing you can do to experience non-stop bliss and joy for every minute of every day. Despite what you believe you don’t really want to experience that. When people or animals die you want to mourn. When unjust guano occurs you want to feel pissed and act out your rage. When you are walking down a dark alley at night you want to feel fear so that courage springs forth from it. When you treat your loved one like tossed out garbage you want to feel ashamed for it so that you learn to treat them better next time and learn the art of apologizing. All of these emotions have great wisdom to offer you and teach you about a well lived life!
Those negative thoughts and feelings will fuel negative action if you don’t know how to work with them in a skillful way. Even if you do everything correct according to your design you will still be a human being on Earth. Human Design’s emotional and not-self themes are not a representation of nor proof that you have performed in life right or wrong.
Here is information on the remaining pieces of the puzzle for my natal blueprint to save time and space.
I am an Emotional Projector with a 2/4 Hermit/Opportunist profile, Split-Small definition, RAX Unexpected 2 incarnation cross, and the following channels:
Here is some information on Projectors. I also found the following insight. What gets interesting for me is the Hermit/Opportunist profile due to it’s inherent nature with tarot, Virgo, and esoterics we can tie in.
The Hermit is Virgo and it is widely known this also deals with digestion as well as the previous blog post I wrote for the zodiac sign. I could go on and on about this card metaphysics wise like the number 9. The cat is due to my Leo stellium because I legit feel like this image. Virgo is my 11th House holding Saturn, Lilith, Moon, my North Node (present karma), and Regulus who with Ketu in Vedic astrology rules the lunar mansion I was born in precessed to Virgo at the zero point/degree location from Leo which I have been studying for years and previously blogged about in my expanding awareness. As most astrologers are not looking at the in-depth in the manner as I do which I have not fully integrated into my business due to the hopes I would generate income through astrology reports or donations to open up podcasts as I have a camera, but really want a good microphone. This reads like Amaterasu as an archetype. I can’t even… I don’t know how to emote on this one.
I don’t think a Gofundme would work. I observed a follower when i was on Twitter who had a great idea, set up Patreon, and no one ever supported their efforts. They abandoned their craft. Sure, they became my follower on Twitter, but they objectively were calling it quits as their latest updates to their Twitter feed were October 2021 so you could tell they were in the last death throws. Another follower I met on Twitter was attempting mental health coaching because they had gone in for CBT and were confronting their suicidal ideation. I usually was reaching out to these people more than others on Twitter. I am a huge believer in the under dog and in building up those that society has chosen to reject as unworthy. The well to do attractive types with their millions of fan base are not my thing because I don’t like leaving someone behind! I don’t believe in shunning someone that everyone else classes “unpopular.”
Then my social media became a place to be harassed, scammed, and I had to leave them behind and deactivate my account to not be slandered/libeled, mob stalked, or have a calamity with regards to my identity and finances. No one is recognizing their actions have consequences that are far reaching. Throw a pebble in water and observe the ripple effect so that you understand better what you’re doing my fellow humans please! You might do harm intentionally or otherwise. Now these people instead have to remain in my prayers. I had never established other means to connect with them because I never expected everything to go south like a snow avalanche I may have been buried and left for dead under. And I believe I have a right to be angered or disappointed by all of this. Which actually reminds me of another follower I gained whose account was based on the fact that our feelings do matter and we have a right to “feel as we do.” Even if others wish to discount or write us off as HSP (highly sensitive people). She was a member of the group who had a semicolon tattoo. I pay attention quite well to details as I’ve said; too well! To the utter dismay of others who can’t understand me and may never be able to.
I don’t want to have audio problems if I desire to make podcasts, and I hardly think my Canon Eos is enough. I can’t afford right now the Microsoft software with it’s subscriptions to do anything so I work off the Onedrive cloud for all my needs. I miss Apple who I easily got a free video editor and Office software cheap as a one time payment. I have learned I detest Windows for nickel and diming me. It feels like a rip off when I look at Apple. Then the image editing software costs I’m going to need to cover are daunting right now. It never ends! I had so many less hangups on iOS. I also do not want to make videos off my older iPhone 8 as the battery is degraded from working for Instacart which killed it. I have a “stuck” moment right now that is causing me to feel like I am a failure or defeated. Twitter was only one piece of my issues in the last two months and it feels compounded as well as overwhelming! This makes me not know where to even begin resolution as I feel swallowed and sinking in mire.
Blogging is not a correct teaching method or the only tool I want to use. Nor is a digital book! I even toyed with the idea of making my own tarot deck and began composing the book to accompany the cards I wanted to create which is now simply not seeing fruition or Redbubble ideas that are now also stunted which I have not yet pursued. I do not know where to begin with it, and I gave up for myriad excuses. I don’t know if they will see the light of day. This has then been wreaking havoc in my personal life with family and friends. Being blocked is making my life a literal nightmare as I can not figure out where or how to express that I am like a fish floundering out of my bowl gasping for air! To the point I barely want to wake up and move every day or garden, eat, play a video game, etc. It is killing me! And family/friends alike should not suffer for this when I project it due to feeling like I am line dancing at one step forward five steps back. It just feels icky, and I hate being like this! Imagine how much better these long blog entries would be if it as a podcast.
If I did a Gofundme I know I’d get flack as soon as someone sees that I live with my family and finds out their income bracket. But that is their money that they worked hard for and their job is also not to always assist me. I can barely get someone to donate $1. I’m not asking for anyone’s life savings just a little help and asking when you get nothing or see others get nothing makes you go settle again for that low paying job because you have to make your way and can’t sit there with nothing to show for your efforts. So I’m well aware this is a time ticking bomb which may go nowhere, and I’ll go back to my usual grunt work if it continues as it has. I wish it was different, but I’m well familiar with the outcomes I generate in life and the lessons I’m expected to learn. It does not negate the fact that these lessons have been tough to undertake.
Here is information on the remaining piece of the puzzle for my solar return blueprint to save time and space. If you have a split definition you will have two or more sets of defined centers that don’t connect to each other. This means I feel an energetic need to be around others to make me feel complete. And I might feel like I function with two or more separate aspects to my personality.
The Throat chakra is 100% about communication. This point is where all the energy in the body is moving to find expression. It is through this center that manifestation, metamorphosis, and transformation always takes place. When in balance the Throat chakra speaks in a fixed manner with a consistent expression from whichever energy center it is connected to. The imbalanced Throat chakra has no consistent voice which creates nervousness and a pressure cooker environment propelling one to struggle with speaking their truth. The open Throat chakra wants to attract attention by expressing something or by saying that it will do something (manifestation) in order to relieve this pressure. It can speak in many voices or tongues via different ways of expression as long as it is not forced. The open Throat chakra wisdom is to learn that there is nothing which needs to be done or said; silence is okay. The open Throat chakra question is: “Am I trying to attract attention?”
Ironically on Saturday I linked to the Delerium song Silence in my blog post. Therefore I was already processing the energy of 2022 in the present now moment. I am not even on the same time map as others which is just mind boggling. When did I take a vow of silence? This incarnation, past incarnation, what the…
The Gate of Caution (Gate 12) is the energy of speaking from one’s heart in an individual way. The energy here says, ”I love you.” It can express itself through shyness as it is vulnerable.
The Gate of Change (Gate 35) is the sense of needed change. Here is a sense that the wheel needs to turn. This is not a logical next step, but a sense that this is the right direction for one to go. When walking around a wheel there will need to be another step and then another step to keep the wheel turning and in motion to prevent stagnation.
Not only this, but two days after my solar return in 2022 is a New Moon in Leo at 5°. The New Moon on July 28, 2022 has an illumination of 0%. This is the percentage of the Moon illuminated by the Sun. The illumination is constantly changing and can vary up to 10% a day. On July 28, 2022 the Moon is 29.31 days old. This refers to how many days it has been since the last New Moon. It takes 29.53 days for the Moon to orbit the Earth and go through the lunar cycle of all 8 Moon phases.
PHASE 125 (LEO 5°): ROCK FORMATIONS TOWER OVER A DEEP CANYON.
KEYNOTE: The structuring power of elemental forces during the long cycle of planetary evolution.
Dwarfing the time allowed to individual human beings, the vast periods of geological evolution not only awe our imagination, but allow the slow yet magnificent work of elemental forces as they mold landscapes and canyons, rocks, and mountains. This symbol points to our need to acquire a much vaster perspective on what we are able to do – and on our yearning for prolonged youth and our pride in masculine achievements. The works of nature should make us feel humble and help us to ‘planetarize’ our consciousness.
This first stage symbol concludes the first level sequence. It stands in broad pictorial contrast to the first, or rather it seeks to impress us with our vanity as creators of forms and mental achievers. To the dramatic and proud Leo type, it presents a picture of IMPERSONALITY.
The message is resilience and enduring strength will lead to a higher awareness. The focus is you are a rock of strength and support enabling others to withstand hardships. The affirmation is I am blessed with stability of mind from which I have a panoramic view.
I will continue studying this for myself. It is the only way I will get a handle on my situation to move forward. And hopefully as I plan for 2022 studying this will give me a way to be more proactive at finding solutions instead of wallowing myself in whatever dark night of the soul I am trapped within. I have sandstone, but it is blue sandstone. I should probably work with it more! I also get it! To most people either they don’t like me perceiving I’m the newbie on the block or the high school freshman which means humans have not yet grown up from as I alluded to before the pathetic need to humiliate as a rite of passage which I find immature. If you’re not the “popular” kid on the block prepare to be bullied because we have not ascended beyond these practices which I’ve always felt are absurd. Fossilized customs is what I feel I’m surrounded by which others claim to be “traditions.” This gal calls it rubbish and asks that humans grow up from their infantile beginnings. Stop throwing your building block toys around and put them back in the toy box. Pick up after yourselves.
That is not negative self talk. If you saw a lot of the esoteric people I saw most of them are in elitist cliques of holier-than-thouism, and the vibe I get is they can’t grasp niche markets or sharing. They are operating not from love, but legitimate fear. Fear of being open, fear of trusting others, and a myriad other conditions I sensed. They try to hide that fact by using other ways to defend their beliefs and behavior, but the real energy I sensed is they are incapable of remembering what it ever felt like to be the new person entering new terrain. If I expressed it as not just monetary hyperinflation, but hyper-inflated sense of self I’d probably get tomatoes thrown at me right now. Therefore they are now incapable of fostering or mentoring another. You can have a lot of light, but never forget humans that light will always create a shadow which you’re refusing to work with which has some potent consequences in the individual and collective psyche. Essentially I felt like because I “mix it up” and don’t follow the status quo everyone else follows I should not be online even trying. And others may get their wish! I am only willing to tolerate so much before I will withdraw, pack up my bags, and leave others to their own devices because it becomes I have to put me first.
Happy Monday and best wishes everyone! 😘 Apologies if you see proofreading errors. I’ve proofread 3x now! I’m one person, and I may have missed something.