Wisdom Wednesdays: Understanding the Value/Validation of Negative Emotions

“I’m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.” – Unknown (Garden)

I’m issuing a trigger warning today because some of this may be difficult for certain audience members to read or learn. Any underlined hyperlink text you find is here to simply expand awareness by pointing you towards asking questions about any limiting beliefs you may still adhere to.

⚖️👩‍🌾👩‍💻

A lot of people online may not realize the life or careers I’ve held or the changes that I’ve experienced as I’ve come across certain educationally enriching experiences/knowledge. To some it may appear that I sound rather snide in my blog posts, morally/ethically self righteous, and bitter. The problem is fitting a personal history into a blog or social media platform within reasonable constraints with those who may shut off to a message being delivered. I worked my first post college job at a regional office for State Farm in Life insurance within a department that digitized files/records then moved into accounting after applications were inputted and went through underwriting.

I returned to college to get my Associates Degree in Office Technology while working in personal injury as well medical malpractice law. The most pivotal experience in my 20s was the 500+ breast implant cases I was handling at Federal level for women who suffered botched surgeries and silicone poisoning against well known mega corporations. We were also working on elderly care/neglect cases, but I was not involved in that side of the firm. I was the silicone poisoning justice woman. This was all at the administrative level only. I was more like an Erin Brockovich.

These cases become personal when you meet your client and have to hear/see their stories especially if you’re also a woman with an acute sense of empathy that can only be “numbed out” for a certain time frame and ignored. You may witness someone who has suffered from plastic surgery that left them with a gangrene infection permanently disfiguring them because they had to have their nipples permanently removed.

Others may have already entered the six foot under part of impermanence which means we are explaining to the son of a mother that we would have to exhume her and an autopsy be performed to remove the implants in order to locate their product information as the lawsuit rewards are based on specific “numbers” that delineate the silicone breast implant manufacturer because we sat for countless hours combing through files in a conference room reading medical records unable to find this information. Still others may actually die from silicone poisoning during the holidays so you receive a phone call that can be very emotionally triggering when you’ve become that close to fighting for the cause of someone else who felt wronged.

My high school best friend’s mother got silicone implants. Doctors and mega corporations told her they were lifetime safe. They ruptured so the two of us watched as she sat in a hospital with tubes in her lymphatic system via the underarms having this drained. She is permanently disabled with an immune deficiency syndrome after being poisoned by silicone. She could never work again! They had been in a car accident and were sued under a personal injury lawsuit, lost everything, and were in extreme poverty. Her father worked in construction as independent contractor. If you find me peculiar because I sound like a Greek “harpy” terrorizing your life about my own chemical sensitization and concerns regarding medical care I only want to raise awareness and actually to inform the public so others are not harmed.

I recognize that mega corporations lobby and that systems are in place which have hierarchies that have vested interests in protecting these organizations profits because at the end of the day the employees of these mega corporations are simply trying to put food on a family table, provide a roof over their heads, and to clothe themselves. I’m not a complete righteously indignant jerk rather I simply believe different than you, and I may be passionate about my own beliefs the same as any mega corporation, NGO, or political affiliation. That said I also know some people are just corrupt! I know I’m told to see the good in even the bad. Not exactly easy to do sometimes; I’m human!

We all know this no book, movie, or personal tale will have an audience without it’s hero and villain archetypes. As I’ve said I’m not perfect sometimes I’m just feeling like a frog in a pot on boil!

After this I worked for a very long time in retail. I was very good at jewelry/watch sales in department stores, but clothing is not my jive. One large sale day I took photos with my cell phone of clothes up to my knees left on the floor by customers as I was disgusted. We could not keep up when you’re on commission sales, and if you don’t meet a quota you actually get your pay docked. This department store not to be named hires you at the highest pay, but when you’re not cut throat about sales goals your pay will be docked every consecutive review period until it’s back to minimum wage in the USA.

They lock you in the store during closing/recovery and threaten you that if you leave you won’t have a job. It’s morally and ethically demeaning to endure this when you need to pay your bills. I may develop a certain cynicism as I realize others don’t have the same empathy that I do because I see that they operate from shady practices. As I speak out co-workers or family may call me the Norma Rae because I’m getting really fed up with the status quo of humanity at large, I may want change, but am not sure how to fix the problems we’re encountering!

Then I worked in oil exploration as an administrative assistant. This did not last very long being that a female higher up had a personal problem with me telling me to my face that I should stick to retail because I was essentially ineffective at my job. I both love and hate at will employment because I can sever ties, but usually it gives the right to employers to be proverbial @#$%&. This woman had clout I was told because she slept her way into the owner’s charms. Nothing new, and I won’t put my judgments here about that. It isn’t even my business.

So I go over to grocery retail as a cashier managing to befriend the cosmetic department staff. I earn my way into a leadership position over time in cosmetics and stay for a while, but this company has no growth for me to enter management. I leave for a little over a year to become a photo lab technician and cosmetics manager at a drugstore. This is another commission based role with the added pressures of people who call out, a store manager who is stealing from the company which I have to report to loss prevention (cosmetics and photo lab processes employee discounts so I had that authority, but the store manager wanted me to give the discount to vendors and ex-employees essentially sweethearting), and we have to be responsible for department resets where you get planograms and have to re-arrange products on the shelves constantly like musical chairs.

I guess my co-workers wanted me to go down being the fall guy for a corrupt store manager; I don’t work that way. Again sorry! I had bailed on a job in college due to another form of business or professional ethics gone wrong that jeopardized me and could  have had “implications.” No job is worth someone asking me to get into “trouble” for them. A lot of people I know are not worth that kind of sacrifice! I’m not your patsy nor your martyr!

You’re hated because you snitched on a certain manager and did not take the fall for the company theft which was ongoing by co-workers yet district management appreciates you. Then you decide I want to blow this because I’m not appreciating this job either right now with this kind of unnecessary drama giving me panic attacks as I sometimes have to simultaneously run two departments when anyone no call no shows or calls in sick.

You decide I’m going to attend beauty school and as stated before that is an interesting journey also. After interviewing and getting nowhere you begin your own aesthetics business while working as a part time grocery store cashier again to help pay for the costs of beginning an entrepreneurship. You even start pawning items you no longer need or want to pay off the loans to begin your little business and afford rental costs. All is going well until you have a medical incident like this one. You learn that you’re chemically sensitized to such an extreme that you along that course had a potential near death anaphylactic episode which was very triggering and life changing. You begin to educate yourself on cosmetic chemistry as well as what is in your dental care, home cleaning care, etc. thus beginning to see patterns unfolding.

I tried an aesthetician role at a newly opened compounding pharmacy also. The owner thought it was cute everyday to psychologically abuse me by also ridiculing my work everyday. That person who sits in an office and tells you to get his pharmacy up and running by bringing him all your design ideas for product placement/visual sales. Everything fails as he continuously hates every idea you bring him so you leave the job so irate you’re crying. The compounding pharmacist he hired comes over and does the product placement/visual sales, and you realize they have a “favoritism” issue.

Before the business goes under you look at the social media to realize they never hired another aesthetician to replace you so you’re utterly confused as to the potential WTAF that was for a very short two weeks of hell on Earth. The Devil Wears Prada?! If I was not replaced why did you even hire me to begin with? Was I that bad or did you have a personal vendetta? I was interviewed with the role of performing actual makeup/facial services not product placement/visual sales, but I bet that was the non disclosed part of a job description that reads “additional duties” leaving out the fact that some people can’t be pleased or enjoy being a male who hires a female they can belittle. I won’t discuss there was a massive racial issue at play also. I’m fine with constructive criticism until I can tell you’re just wanting to be what I call a prick; sorry. The business folded within months. It never went anywhere!

I think some of my readers want me to sugar coat and talk nicely of others, but then you’re having a problem with projection or shadow work. Everyone judges and if you believe that you don’t you’re in denial. Discernment is judgment which is always being utilized in life because if it wasn’t most of society would constantly fail at healthy self love or avoiding unhealthy relating we all fall victim to when we forget that we have a right to say “NO!”

What I’m saying is if I put something in front of you I’m not asking you to believe everything I believe. You’ve not lived my life and I’ve not lived yours. What I am always asking is for open mindedness, critical thinking without bias/prejudice, zero shilling if possible, and for one to reconsider their limiting beliefs as I have had to continuously do. None of this stops at just these industries because grocery retail exposes one to the entire factory farm, genetic modified, and so forth philosophies as well to “pick a side of history” to support. Beyond this all of these careers begin to start to fray at the lines of political discourse that always creates rifts between employee/employer, family, and friends. I’ve said this before I don’t expect to be liked all the time. I’ve learned to not expect much of an audience to even listen to me while trying to not make it personal. I struggle with objectivity some days because actually it is personal; sorry!

In my eyes if humans are not getting angry or experiencing negative emotions it’s my belief then that this is how we continue to not effect change. If you’re in escapism or anesthetized from feeling something then you’re more likely to sit there in that complacency I discussed yesterday. Others of us are willing to feel and work through developing shadow integration while trying to figure out how best to improve our Emotional IQ. We don’t always get this right!

I have not gone into corporate America for a little over a year because the awakening I’ve had has made it difficult to “pretend act” that everything in my life is going fine or that I agree with the practices of certain mega corporations. This still hasn’t touched on the fact that the last two years were stressful on another front. I am not asking for or expecting perfection, but I’m so out of alignment with much I find it really difficult to keep up a guise that creates dissonance or hypocrisy in my psyche. I wind up feeling inauthentic, and as if I’m lying to my customer when I enter the role of that which does not represent me correctly just to earn a paycheck.

How others do it I’m not sure because I believe this is why I wound up consuming ASMR as I said in yesterday’s blog post or having panic attacks since it’s the way your consciousness seeks to communicate with you and suppression of dis-ease is never healthy. No one said evolution or enlightenment was some sort of cake walk! It actually is going to be painful. I may sound as if I’m making excuses when I confront job hunting and act selectively. Again it’s about a person’s beliefs/principals they wish to lead by and what actions they’re comfortable with taking or even what legacy they may leave/be remembered for.

I am nothing like my youth for hobbies or extra curricular activities. My extroversion has become introversion to re-configure where I want to be in my future. I’ve ran a domain that focused on anime and Japanese music, I participated in a website review group that helped publish articles on web design, I was partnered with public relations for brand name cosmetics and published for a beauty blog in Ireland, I attended concerts, played visual novels that reminded me of my youth reading Choose Your Own Adventure novels, got absorbed into fashion fads before abandoning them, and decided I don’t really need to date because I’m comfortable in my own skin at 42.

And people all want to change me which is where all relating has created some impasses. It’s really a funny thing with psychology whether that is positive or not because we have to remember you don’t force others to change. You only change yourself. Mirrors; it’s always the hall of mirrors. You can’t change the path someone is on because we’re all here to take our own paths. So even the best of advice we’re all guilty of rejecting or feeling sometimes a rebuff when it’s offered to us despite the best of intentions. Again we don’t change others we change ourselves!

Why People Prefer to Retreat or Go Within:

As a way to effectively end this blog post and work with an archetype today I’m going to chart asteroid Sekhmet (5381) into an Age Harmonic Chart to honor the negative emotion of rage. Catharsis and healing only really comes through the honoring and acknowledgment of one’s condition so they can after all release it. Sekhmet the Egyptian term for Shakti connects our evolutionary Kundalini or driving force of creation with the awakening of power to create/destroy for better/worse.

Sekhmet is in my 9th House of Sagittarius 2° which is an astrological house concerned with personal expression, but the 9th House is based in philosophical, higher learning, religious, foreign cultures, and major social institutions. Ultimately what happens in the 9th House is an individual gains access to the collective mind so to speak attempting to access a higher level of inspiration to develop their social conscience.

Age Harmonic Chart for Asteroid Sekhmet

When we look around what do we see? We are all busy all the time often without the patience or energy to be anything for another. Some of us want to be there, but instead we walk around with these masks plastered to our faces which serve to hide away the parts of ourselves that make us human acting as the cornerstones of our stories, lessons, and scars. Tuck away that which we are ashamed of…

What I’ve noticed is I’ve reached out recently to all the wrong people right now; taking it too personally. I’m tired of the toxic culture of positivity as I touched on yesterday. I’m tired of society that keeps offering me quiet polite platitudes because I sense “their inauthenticity” and brush off. “Sharing is caring” is not an accurate phrase. When we share sometimes it’s simply not welcomed by others. And if that sounds very negative I do not mean it as a negative. It’s speaking to all of us thinking before we hit “send, like, or publish.”

Sagittarius rules the 9th House with Jupiter where we search for meaning grasping everything which is available to us grappling with our worth and soul purpose; this becomes our front and center!

This was a good asteroid to chart because I can relate to the Sabian symbol. It actually has the message of continuous swelling of energy and emotion focused on being cheerful and lively attracting the unusual and eccentric in one’s friends/past times. It embodies the affirmation of seeking adventure and freedom. But ultimately it’s the Chandra symbol that also speaks to me because the neighborhood where I live has a street named Iris. The Greek rainbow goddess who acts as a messenger while simultaneously referencing flower magic.

SAGITTARIUS 2

Many iris blooming in a wide variety of colors.

A vast multiplicity of vantage points, ways of being, and complete identities. Fabulously suggestible and impressionable. Fanning out in all directions and becoming one with everything. Desiring and needing to bring forth each self you have ever been, every fancy you are filled with, you are impetuous, outrageous, and irrepressible. Freedom at all costs. The moment prevails. Ferment and flux. A great difficulty in holding steady, perpetual adolescent rebellion, and the magnificent ability to become absolutely anything. Experience is all. Your deepest need is to embrace your astounding nature and let it be free despite all signs to the contrary.

In the darkest and most difficult of situations a chart holder on this degree can feel those forces which are ever present always ready to guide them. This degree could be named “The Glimmer of Hope” which is something the chart holder can always find. Although their outward demeanor won’t match the inner there is a tremendous underlying confidence which can sneak silently in and inspire other people.

This degree is highly creative with elusive inspiration quickly coming and going. The challenge here is to accept this fragile passing quality and go with it faithfully moving with the energy when it’s there without attempting to capture or contain it in the sense of limitations or regulating its ephemeral nature. The secret is that when we finally and completely accept the truth that all will pass away we realize also that all is continually being reborn. Then we are able to live within as eternal flux. Working with guardian angel Haaiah and daimon Bune is recommended.

Daimon Bune relates to the 9 of Wands, Venus, Sagittarius, and Orange. Bune is an essential when you seek employment, business expansion, and promotions. This daimon generally grants one wisdom, eloquence, and I’ve read many reach out to Bune when they realize their career trajectory has thus far left them rather pessimistic and miserable. Usually there is an inspiration to explore opening one’s own business.

What I need is to figure out how else to generate any support here. I really can’t stand always ending blog posts asking for someone to consider purchasing an astrology report or donating to me. What I probably need to ask for is if someone would help me generate some ideas on what I can “expand into” that an audience might feel more comfortable with. Otherwise I’m simply fumbling around in the dark with no flashlight tripping over objects like furniture. Please don’t leave me here listening to crickets. 🙏🏻

If I was honest these last two years I lost a lot people that I thought were friends some by my own choosing to walk away, some by distance, and others because we’re now too “different” as I got to see who they actually were which allows me to discover my blind spots.

I was, however, informed by my step father that he has been investigating a way to help me possibly achieve my podcasting goals since I’ve not had any substantial financial support otherwise yet from my business. It’s been small potatoes over here. I call this stage treading water so as to not run out of energy and sink.

I hope you have an edifying Wednesday. 🌧️🌈🌤️

Today was far better than yesterday. I am enjoying a banned or censored video on a Senate bill panel in Pennsylvania regarding health freedom which is wonderful to see. At this stage the focus is on children kindergarten and up. I wish these messages would get to audiences with larger more expansive reach! I’m thrilled it is beginning where it is, but I firmly believe medical autonomy/freedom should extend to a larger audience globally!

This Senate bill in Pennsylvania is not being televised or reaching mainstream media, but the expert panel is stellar like others I’ve been trying to tune into. It connects with my previous work in the legal system so I really magnetize to these topics like childhood vaccination. I’m so strange though. Watching this reminds me to a prior blog post with the daimons Focalor and Malphas. I know I’m weird and it seems superstitious, but I see it as simply reading/channeling energy by feeling into the frequency or vibration of people, places, and so forth.

I’ve been silent on much in life because I don’t want to face the censorship over these topics. So as I’ve said you will find me dancing around a lot without having to take certain gambles. For two years now I’ve been choosing all my interactions, relationships, and words extremely carefully going so far as to abandon most social media. Power to those who have more courage and capability to enforce change right now! If you don’t follow what I’m speaking about you may need to backtrack to some blog posts also in January 2022 for reference. Freedom and liberty has taken and is taking too long to arrive! If you can’t understand or believe in a consciousness awakening I can’t really help you. If you can’t believe in negative intent existing alongside positive intent than the problem is you not me.

While the world slept through two years I chose to awaken!

“Man sacrifices his health in order to make money.Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future, that he does not enjoy the present moment. As a result, he does not live in the present or the future, he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never truly lived.” – Unknown (Common Buckeye Butterfly)

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alchemicseer

I am a licensed aesthetician (#1446048 Expires October 2023 Valedictorian) who has worked previously in medical malpractice and personal injury legal administration, life/health insurance for State Farm, and various retail roles including personal shopper. My passion at this time lies in the field of esoteric studies. I am also a Master Level Usui Shiki Ryoho Reiki certified healer. I happen to be currently employed within a 9-5 career in cosmetology retail selling to licensed professionals part time.

3 thoughts on “Wisdom Wednesdays: Understanding the Value/Validation of Negative Emotions”

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