Self Examination Saturdays: Where Does Your Compassion and Conscience Lie?

“If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete.” – Anonymous

Answers to questions lie within the underlined hyperlink text jigsaw puzzle I’ve left for my blog readers in the hopes they can piece the message together, and maybe also help me make sense of my insane blog posts. Yes, that requires a few mouse clicks on those doorways into various portals and a little bit of reading or detective work.

💻🧩🕵️‍♀️📚

I wanted to compose this entry yesterday, but due to an extremely rough week I am doing this retroactive on Sunday because I needed to take a self care day. I’ve been having some significant problems with my entire left leg and foot post surgery with trying to manage my life between daily tasks/chores, gardening, and working a part time cosmetology job. I’m actually not sure I can keep up the garden in this heat this year on this foot/leg.

I tried pawning the chores on my step father, but I legitimately feel that I’ve been taking on way too much for my body to withstand. When muscle relaxers no longer work to alleviate the osteoarthritis or muscle tightness I know something is amiss.

From being told by podiatry that I essentially was born with clubfoot albeit not a severely deforming kind to the fractures in my heel and first two metatarsals, ankle ligament surgery, and the osteoarthritis within my ankle joints I’m not sure what my future for health is beyond coping with wishing my body were not making me feel eighty or ninety when I’m half that age over the last two years.

A person could get lost in my blog posts over the months and might think I’m always complaining or whining when these flares hit, but if I never explain how can anyone understand something you don’t physically see on the outside as I legitimately hide the pain if I’m not verbalizing to you that I’m in it. i won’t be crying or wincing in front of you usually and if I do moan in agony it’s only at home in front of family.

When I was a cashier post foot fracture on medical notice to have a chair at my register by physical therapy a customer called me lazy to my face for using my chair to relieve my chronic pain as I weaned back into weight bearing full time. And I had a thought enter my brain which was not verbalized that read “I hope when you step outside a bus hits you so you can feel what I feel inside of my body every day.”

And I realized how horrible I felt for that thought entering my mind simply because I was healthy before and now I’m forever changed by life’s experiences. I did not have to vocalize the thought to know something was very incorrect with that response! Nonetheless after all I’d been through being called lazy triggered me.

For two weeks in a row I’ve tried muscle relaxers to almost no avail as I wake up with spasms and tightness in my leg/ankle and osteoarthritis. Virtually every step and standing is met with some terrible pain and cement shoes is the term applied to this feeling.

Twenty to one I’ll be paying to see the podiatrist soon again. I’ve reverted to all my physical therapy exercises again including writing my alphabet upper/lowercase with my foot and rolling my foot on an iced water bottle or icing the swelling down from inflammation.

I just don’t want to deal with the uninsured medical bills right now. It always grates upon my nerves when I have to consider the costs. Then my fear kicks in too. Did I re-injure my ligament? Could I have blown out the surgery? Is anything torn again?

Combing through the asteroids on Astro.com I found two I wanted to use in my Vedic Age Harmonic chart today. I’m going to begin by discussing etymology of these two words before I give examples and lead into the astrology symbolism.

I’m glad that WordPress allows for me to play with time magic also as I can publish this blog post as if I’d managed it on Saturday since it was certainly in my mind despite the fact that I was exhausted physically, emotionally, and spiritually to be honest.

I truly felt like I could barely make it all week. In fact today ensued with me opening the front door to the house and screaming outside I was so stressed and irritated rather than break dishes the way I felt I might be heading. It helped a little just to do that for about five to ten seconds after dealing with a front load laundry washer that I frankly despise. I did not want to break mom’s dishes, but I was ready to punch a wall or something.

Compassion is taken from Middle English, Old French, and Ecclesiastical Latin compassio, compati, and compassus meaning sympathy, to suffer together with, and etymologically means deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with a wish to relieve it. Some do define it as pity.

Conscience on the other hand is taken from Middle English, Old French, and Latin conscientia, consciens, and conscire meaning knowledge within oneself, to be conscious of wrong, and etymologically means the moral sense of right/wrong through self awareness that affects one’s behavior/attitude.

I chose the following example because Amma matches my Magha lunar mansion through reading from Barbara Pijan’s website although I’ve spent countless blog posts learning about my nakshatra in terms of Ketu rulership with it’s chasing liberation, samadhi, and moksha as well as the fixed star Regulus and the arguments about precession of the equinoxes through Leo to Virgo.

The desperate need to even understand myself and my chart as an esotericist or Reiki Master level. I think though it makes sense given everything this article has pointed to or this one. We’re all trying to step into whatever position we’re supposed to embody. Some are struggling to know what this should even look like such as myself.

But in exploring this from an even wider than lens beyond the Judaeo Christian or Buddhist spheres I’ve studied I did also run across another set of online articles that gave me pause. Alright so are perspectives taken subjective or objective when we approach each of these respectively?

Believe me I know when guilt sets in because I’ve been learning or rather becoming more mindful of certain choices I’ve made in my past and how they are shaping my present and will challenge my future.

As stated before the Age Harmonic chart is ideal for me in determining by my age what exactly I’m now dealing with in life. Particularly given that from 40 to 45 it directs one to the auspicious/inauspicious habits we hold within our emotional/psychological nature. Four times ten reflects our 4th House which is the home life where our private yet vulnerable self lives holding the keys to our inner child.

You’re going to see here one’s need to belong, what helps them feel at home, their value system, and their subconscious patterns. To heal the inner child you need to approach healing through unlearning behaviors that no longer serve you.

“It is a lack of love for ourselves that inhibits our compassion toward others. If we make friends with ourselves, then there is no obstacle to opening our hearts and minds to others.” – Anonymous

Tropical this was an Aquarian placement or rather the Western zodiac so I was marching to the beat of my own drum contradicting family with a detachment to my parents placing emphasis on my intellectual development and desiring independence.

If we look though at my Sidereal or Vedic we find this was a Capricorn placement so I dealt with strong family tradition against a backdrop of disciplinarian parenting where troubles emerged as I subconsciously longed for independence, warmth, and love feeling I was not receiving these.

Does that ever resonate like someone hit me over the head! This is the problem with the logic of saying what happened at an early age is great if you don’t remember it. No, it’s really not. You still remember it because it’s buried in the subconscious or unconscious waiting to be healed and released. It’s all retained in there beneath the surface and you’re not paying attention long enough to realize it.

The Age Harmonic chart aims to fine tune the moral and ethical nature through an indication of which of the three Hindu deities and their wives we are working from (creator, preserver, or destroyer). I think Judaeo Christianity has worked long and hard to remove the Divine Feminine from one’s consciousness as has some other faiths. I say this because the Capricorn 4th House also speaks towards a patriarchal society one may be growing up in.

As I study my chart though I’m learning a lot more about myself which helps my growth while making myself an example to others displaying the benefits of such practices through these services.

Age Harmonic Chart for Asteroid Compassion and Conscience

So here we are looking at my chart seeing that Asteroid Compassion (8990) is in the 9th House of Sagittarius at 4° sesquiquadrate Venus and Mars. Asteroid Conscience is in the 5th House of Leo at 24° with no aspects whatsoever.

Your 9th House is encouraging you to think big and bold by taking advantage of international communication, higher education, and exploring your higher mind through philosophy, religion, and publishing. It’s also asking you to consider legal or academic matters within a traditionally Jupiter ruled house through Sagittarius.

This placement begins to look at where in life they or others are committing acts of excessive indulgence. It’s where individually as well as collectively trends emerge showing humanity is a spendthrift lacking self control. They need to develop an attitude of fairness, ethics, and harmony. This is also the placement for those who overextend themselves. It’s important that we don’t burn ourselves out by being overactive or hyperactive.

The 5th House holds a symbolic representation being ruled by the Sun and Leo of the patriarchy as a symbol of royalty. It’s a King’s horoscope zone in traditional parlance. Kings must find heirs to their throne therefore much time and training is put into children and teenagers ensuring one is fit to take over. It shows the area in our life where we rule which can be self expression, creativity, and our ability to educate, enlighten, or inspire others.

I’ve learned to walk three times; birth, post foot fractures, and post ankle ligament surgery. I’m tired of re-learning this! The other degree symbol reminds me of the Vedic astrologer who asked me how my fashion changed during Covid.

I remarked when I’m home I’m in pajamas or a random shirt paired with sports leggings and my hair in a bun as well as no makeup. When I’m in public I’m a lot more presentable rather than dressed down for comfort. If I’m home I frankly don’t care what others “think” of me.

It’s when I have to put on a show (Leo Sun sign in the Tropical zodiac with Cancer Sun sign in the Sidereal zodiac) that I may be a bit more concerned with “appearances” or “societal norms.” Summed up in public you don’t get to always see the real me because I’m conditioned that something is not appropriate in allowing that level of intimacy and/or afraid of being judged by it. I don’t think you’ll like what you see.

“The universe has shaken you to awaken you.” – Anonymous

The Omega symbol describes these degrees as the following and here again is some interpretation to the meaning of daimon. It’s worth the read if you want to connect it with what I just explained above.

This degree has knowledge that must come out even if it isn’t acknowledged or accepted by others. There is an ability here to be impervious to the negative reactions and/or disinterest of others. As long as this degree focuses on what it needs to do and lets go of any apprehensions concerning the ramifications of its actions it can live true to itself.

The Chandra Symbol for this degree is “A young prince undressed to bathe in a pool.” The young man puts himself in a vulnerable position by taking away all the barriers between himself and nature. He then enters the water or the sacred womb of the mother to be refreshed, cleansed, and purified.

This degree is about seeking direct experience by divesting oneself of preconceptions, social conditionings, and by also letting go of assertiveness and agendas so as to have a full experience of what’s right there in front of one.

It’s not easy to give oneself completely over to the feminine. It requires a lot of macho courage and gutsiness. Work with guardian angel Seheiah and daimon Berith. Shockingly I’ve previously covered this degree through another lens altogether when I was coping with also podcasts that dealt with our current socio-political climes.

Daimon Berith corresponds with the Two of Pentacles, Venus, Capricorn, and Sandalwood. This daimon was of particular importance to alchemists in the transmutation of base metals to gold. This daimon helps those who help themselves.

If we hop over now as that was the degree for Asteroid Compassion we see a different message within Asteroid Conscience. The most difficult of situations can elicit from the chart holder a surprising resourcefulness. They have a tremendous ability to mutate.

If they give in to this it can be very exhilarating and ultimately fulfilling. If they struggle against it and rigidly try to hold on to what is no longer needed suffering will inevitably be the result.

The Chandra Symbol for this degree is “Sunrise over Stonehenge.” Overcome by water one becomes what will thrive in water just as the denizens of England reacting to the cycles of time build Stonehenge which is in harmony with those cycles. The chart holder projects an aura of importance that is quiet and certain with a deep self assurance that comes from being in tune with the whole of life.

They are what they are in a simple way though many, varied, and complex are the roads you may travel. They are attuned to what endures and as they become increasingly at one with this they contact their true self at deeper and deeper levels. Work with guardian angel Mumiah and daimon Andromallus.

Daimon Andromallus is tied with the Ten of Cups, Mars, Dragon’s Blood, and Pisces. This daimon protects your home, family, vehicle, and business from theft. Many work with Andromallus to learn how to operate through life safely.

Usually Andromallus is worked with to right a wrong that was inflicted against one such as being robbed of something in one’s life. Some believe this daimon operates from some rather strong value systems. I’ve literally read that to work with Andromallus you best have your morals/ethics in check!

This degree actually also sits upon the fixed star Subra in the right knee of Leo the Lion. This fixed star takes it’s name from Subira meaning patience. Patience from Middle English, Old French, and Latin patientia, patiens, and patior means to suffer, endure, and wait. Kabbalists associate this fixed star with the Hebrew letter Kaph and the tarot trump Strength.

The Hebrew letter Kaph deals with a specific path on the Tree of Life in Kabbalah where we again see Jupiter here with some powerful symbolism. When I began my part time cosmetology job my Reiki chakra bracelet broke. I managed to collect all the pieces and place it upon my wealth altar, but I’ve not restrung the beads nor looked for a replacement.

I probably should as I wore it also on my left dominant arm with my ring. It had been worn daily for years and the fishing wire finally gave out. May your weeekend be nourishing! I’m trying my best to take it easy on my days off, but I know I still have to move and exercise while in this pain flare. 🍲🥄