Self Examination Saturdays: Difficult to Pen Down

“You’re sketching the truth.” – Unknown

If you are the type to get easily offended by differing opinions than those of your own you might wish to turn back now. If you’re willing to be open minded and enjoy exploration than perhaps what I’ve scripted won’t send you into trolling/flaming me.

If you do have an itch to burn first try the underlined hyperlink text before you fume as it might take away some of the Fahrenheit/Celsius.


I was not going to publish on a Saturday, but this week is going to be an exception due to the fact that it’s actually going to become very busy for me. It’s also due to the fact that I had another chronic pain flare begin again while working out freight at my part time cosmetology gig so I need to take it easy. As I’ve said before gabapentin, tramadol, and cipro did a number on my well being.

Some think I’m negative all the time. They don’t see the podiatrist my mom and I rely upon who has expressed that he is doing more Brostrom ankle repairs now that he performed mine or that retail establishments not to be named are the bane of his existence for how damaging they are to our anatomy especially our feet.

His analysis of the present is validation to my own concerns for self and other. I’m just not going to always trust allopathy and certainly not pharmaceuticals who have a track record unworthy of my loyalty.

And no for the I don’t know how many-ith time no one in my family has been sick with what everyone has been hyped up about. We’ve been perfectly healthy except for a UTI issue for which I took Macrobid through teledoc and cedar fever where I live. My issues lie in still recovering from other previous ailments.

You can thank my physical therapist who told me it was my responsibility to be my own health advocate not my doctors, not my government, not my friends, and not my employer. None of whom know anything about anything with my health ultimately nor live in this body. It’s my responsibility not anyone else’s.

I was going about my ever usual routine at work today when a woman came in whom I needed to set up a new account for. We got to talking when she informed me she had just finally gotten her Texas cosmetology license and was happy we had several items she used where she “used to” reside.

So I inquired where she was from; New York. This transitioned to the “I have family living there in Long Island and Manhattan” reply which I left her with as she was from Rochester.

The kicker was when I asked her what brought her to Texas because it re-opened wounds I’ve just not healed from to date albeit will always be a touchy subject simply because I’ve come to realize the reason I stopped voting is that I’m apolitical now at 43. It’s taken me years to figure out what was the best way to attempt to define myself.

Someone tried to peg it to anarchism with my desire for self determination and limited government. I don’t know if that is correct either. No one can confidently say they represent me because you’re not walking in my shoes. Sorry, but just no!

You represent lobbies, corporate entities, and so forth not your constituent which I learned circa sixth grade writing to my then President as I’ve said before. And honestly I’m not alone in these beliefs.

Strangely I was meeting several cosmetologists today all expressing equally similar views creating a sort of “what alternate Universe/Cosmos did I step in today” type of riddle. It’s just not normal to have the clientele become vocal with these discussions although I was working alone.

Maybe they intuitively sensed that I was not going to judge them for speaking their own truth as well. I might ironically relate, resonate, and align to almost every point these women were making to me.

We open up usually around those we’re comfortable with after all. Someone did mention they appreciated that I was becoming a little bolder with trying to “tell my story.”

I always feel utterly self conscious as if I’m going to get a lot of hate mail by the censorship committee who has to push their agenda. I spent most of late 2021/early 2022 being cryptic in how I spoke with my blog posts.

I digress yet again for my customer from New York’s response for why she moved to Texas was “seeking freedom” as she remarked there is none in New York anymore finding it to be a terrible state to live in. I knew immediately what this meant because it is why I began archiving as many stories as I could before social media silenced everyone.

I have so much stuff that big tech wiped when this began in the hopes that we would stop acting like childish bullies, but psychological warfare is a beast entirely all its own.

This is why during the last two years I got Reiki Master level certification from a school during the entire cult of dis-ease in New York of all places when they asked for people to learn and help during this now moment of time they called normal which was anything except typical.

This discussion came to a head when she informed me that her daughter lost her job as a social worker for not being a pin cushion. Neither did my mom or I because of our already pre-existing track record with the pharmaceutical industries or my knowledge from working in medical malpractice law.

I’m a person who does their own research which is what she stated she had done. So I informed her that it took me exactly two years post ankle surgery to return to work again even remotely comfortably.

Sure I took a temporary personal shopper stint with Whole Foods for the holiday season, but I sat collecting and archiving countless his or her stories because frankly someone needed to be there to listen to those being victimized and wounded.

I had hoped to become a distance Reiki healer. Did not exactly happen yet or rather it’s not the way I wanted it to be as my vision has yet to find a manner of being workable the way I hoped for.

But I told her in my estimation I’ve lost half or more of my family in lieu of the division that occurred within the USA and with humanity in general. Most of the maternal family resides in Chicago and step paternal in New York which we’re making zero plans to visit these states anytime soon in hind sight. Those family members won’t visit us either.

So really what we are having is a problem with humans operating from fear and hate because it was allowed to remove us from acting from love or compassion. Everyone’s risk to benefit ratios all being uniquely different no one size fits all works. I’m also just not afraid of death the way others are.

If I was I’d never leave my house, I would not eat for fear of food poisoning, I would not drink the water because of what has run off/been excreted into it, I would have never driven a car or flown in an airplane for fear of crashing, and well you get the message. I can’t live like that!

What I am afraid of is being victimized again by the same industry that has already damaged my life and reduced my quality of living as well as that of my mom or others I’ve known personally. I believe I should have a right to choice as well as I should have a right to set boundaries as much as others do.

Watching certain states or even nations globally frankly reminded me of eras such as under Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, or other dictator like totalitarian style regimes. I guess people forgot these periods of time or no one teaches it anymore so we have ignorant masses when it comes to social engineering and the like. I can’t do dumbed down because I have a very low patience threshold for it.

Meanwhile my current leadership believes that somehow while I have not voted I may be a fascist or worse. Not entirely sure how well he believes this will bring me towards reclaiming my faith or trust in this rogue nation careening on the rails of a crazy train pun or rather song intended.

I did let my customer know that this is the entire reason I have worn a Reiki bracelet on my left dominant hand with the significance of my ring. If I can’t speak my truth out of my mouth than I’ll speak it through symbols for those intelligent enough to grasp them as they seek to condemn any opinion outside of theirs as worthy of being silenced/gagged.

What was my customer’s name? Wait for it… Rene! What is my name? Imagine that… Renee! Only a slight variation after all between these two as we stand across from one another at a register. Nothing unusual at all about this interaction.

“Where your fear is, there is your task.” – Carl Jung

But that is not really the only reason I hopped online tonight before I crash with a muscle relaxer to prevent uncontrollable muscle spasms from overworking myself as I said above putting out freight to ensure my manager was not on me about being unproductive.

I really am happy I will be talking with someone Tuesday about this in the hopes that I can be put in the store I trained at again on a more permanent basis. I even talked to a co-worker today who said she is willing to work at the other location in my stead as it is closer to her new living arrangements for the commute.

I’m more content with where I trained as most of the friction has subsided between us, but I’m going to be looking fervently for receptionist or administrative positions again because I’m fed up with having to be in chronic pain holding a physically demanding job. It’s not a long term valid option to continue suffering this way for income in my estimation when there are other options available.

I wanted to ever briefly look at a Harmonic Chart tonight which originates from the root of Indian/Vedic astrology by locating Asteroid Symmetria (9669). This asteroid is nestled along the 10th/5th House axis dealing with creation itself. We’re trying to then assess where one is playful and childlike versus more structured and concrete.

Symmetria is simply the Latin form of symmetry or proportion which etymologically can be defined as the satisfying arrangement of a balanced distribution of the elements of a whole having an exact correspondence on either side of a dividing line, plane, center, or axis.

Harmonic Chart for Asteroid Symmetria

For those looking at the chart they will find this is displayed using a Sidereal variant within my 10th House of Capricorn at 11° sextile Neptune and sesquiquadrate Chiron.

This position is valued for professionalism, but it is often where we learn to adult. We deal with authority figures by setting boundaries, create security through discipline, and this Earth house is ruled by Capricorn.

What of pheasants though and furthermore how can we understand this degree better in an astrology chart even speculatively? We have an air element creature that underscores also the need to remain grounded.

Pheasants are show offs with a riot of colorful plumage, but they can still hide amongst tall grass when needed. It indicates one has a bright creative side influencing the world easily when the time is most appropriate.

The exterior may appear wild, but the inside is gentle remaining true to self. This spiritual omen states it’s a time to be empowered towards protecting self, family, and loved ones. Know when to blaze your beauty and when to be silent as a defensive maneuver by hiding in the shadows for the purpose of self preservation.

This placement is really about past experiences influencing one’s value system so that they mature. It speaks to now being the most appropriate time to resolve health problems as well. We make up a rather odd bunch of people because we know we can survive alone on a small number of friends to whom we remain loyal, reliable, and affectionate.

The sextile specifically deals with personal and global relationships coming to an end before they can begin as Saturn or rather Capricorn does not support the Venusian aspects of beauty and love. The two are incompatible for any lasting relationship to develop in time and space.

The entire key to healing is to tackle fascinating problems by letting go of adherence to rules which no longer apply. Wholeness occurs when one reconciles inner and outer voices of authority and influence over one’s life. The sesquiquadrate is all about “masters” who have impossible standards and expectations for themselves as well as others.

What happens is a period of isolation leads to wisdom gained when collectively humanity eases up on too high standards. Instead all the limitations are doing is creating depression, loneliness, and self limitations which carry down the generations leading to a sensitivity of feeling abandoned.

“Under chalk and key. Not for the paint of heart.” – Unknown

Definiteness is always confining or limiting in some way. This degree has the ability to create an expansiveness through indefiniteness. It is an openness that provides a field in which the imagination can thrive.

This also allows the contents of the subconscious to come forward with a consequent purging and healing of the emotional body. Most of this usually happens in a highly subtle unconscious way.

The Chandra Symbol for this degree is “A young boy joyously kisses a fat old lady.” This degree loves life as it is and has a zest for encountering things as they are and then moving forth from there by bettering what can be bettered, but accepting what is not likely to change.

It can be contented, even happy, even in circumstances which are restrictive and lacking of opportunity for it knows within itself that whatever is there is what needs to be there for now. So without expectations it is free to relish what is.

The message it has to impart is that when we have little a little becomes a lot when we can truly allow ourselves to appreciate it. Work with guardian angel Damabiah and daimon Andrealphus.

Daimon Andrealphus connects with the Three of Pentacles, Moon, Gemini, and Passion Flower/Fruit. Most people work with this daimon to bring a situation to a close by sealing something whether it is a spell, portal, or situation by dissolving the magic. Andrealphus teaches astronomy/astrology, geometry, and everything to do with measurement.

Before I close this blog post out as there is no fixed star upon this degree I wanted to finalize a little more detail into the pheasant symbolism. Is one supposed to wait around to be eaten like a sitting duck? Well no because this degree also is self explanatory.

Elected leaders are chosen representatives of the collective often displaying something of our subconscious or unconscious which we’ve repressed or shoved into the shadow awaiting to be made conscious.

What should stand for unification of a people when turned into division of a people serves to educate us via a study of their habits, motivations, and how they manipulate to gain the highest status in the community to which the leadership must answer for such shenanigans.

You’re being asked to take the truth seriously in order to learn as well as improve because this degree is an assessment of implied correction whereby we’re called to check on someone. When we don’t feel safe we become scattered and we hide in the proverbial bushes heads buried in the sand looking foolish.

A great way to purify this degree is to work with Milky Quartz which purifies and renews the self alongside the immediate environment releasing pent up emotions. The message speaks to an effervescent energy and escapism rooted in lightness of being and freedom focused upon an effortless manner of dealing with one’s own troubles while helping others resolve their problems. The affirmation is I’m unblocked and accepting of all possibilities in my life.

May your Saturday actualize cooperation! 🥰

As for me I’ll be around. We managed to eat some of the sweet potatoes I harvested this evening. Not bad, but perhaps a wee bit dry. Next week should be interesting between work is wedged my day to report to jury duty which I’m just not looking forward to the morning commute or even potential afternoon commute.

At least it’s only temporary frustration that I’ll be experiencing hopefully! Fingers crossed. Pardon my mess. It’s approximately 1:43 AM CST, and I’m about to hit the shower before bed so I’ll proofread again tomorrow for corrections! I wear too many different hats! I worked a 9-5 shift today as well so I’m burning my wick at both ends today.

We planted one seed potato only which turned into this! And to the naysayers it was done all organic.

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I am a licensed aesthetician (#1446048 Expires October 2023 Valedictorian) who has worked previously in medical malpractice and personal injury legal administration, life/health insurance for State Farm, and various retail roles including personal shopper. My passion at this time lies in the field of esoteric studies. I am also a Master Level Usui Shiki Ryoho Reiki certified healer. I happen to be currently employed within a 9-5 career in cosmetology retail selling to licensed professionals part time.

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