Teach Me Tuesdays: A Dying Practice

“Cremation is my last hope for a smoking body.” – Unknown

Sometimes the paths that we are led to traverse are the least expected. We’ll be walking carefully down some alleyways that some might not wish to journey upon, but then today was an unusual day for me in terms of a lot of what I was discovering.

Much of which society would say is far too politically incorrect, bizarre, or not of this world for them to believe in or understand. There is a lot that I look at and ponder even with our human made constructs of so-called reality because sometimes you realize that you’re left with entirely too much to question in life asking yourself if any of us have been being correctly instructed.

The phrase is usually one where I remark that too many people did not get in line for common sense opting to line up for something entirely different. The underlined hyperlink text is the specter of my realizing that most of what we encounter in life is simply shadows/projections of mental dialogues from movies we have yet to properly analyze or digest.

It’s also where I realize we don’t do well at contextual because too much is occulted from the uninitiated.


It was one of those mornings where you wake up feeling just fine, but for whatever reason your temperament is completely disharmonious leaving you with a lot of angst which you need to work off constructively. I decided before breakfast and coffee which I’ve fallen back into my addictive habit of drinking to water the garden and then put my energy into cleaning my bedroom.

This included my usual cleanse of the wealth altar with witch hazel. Nothing prepared me though for what I would discover in this endeavor! It’s been a lot of late nights battling insomnia with my mind racing. Thank goodness for a good shower in the evening to wash the day’s worries away as well as my usual fall back of ASMR or binaural music to ease my stress.

How do I compress this story for everyone? Let’s begin with the mysterious object I located next to my maternal ancestry documents which sit upon the bamboo alchemy image I colored on my now defunct stereo I no longer use beside its remote and speakers one shelf under my wealth altar in my bedroom. Don’t ask the upper level floors of the house are bamboo as well.

Sitting wedged behind these speakers betwixt two candles I have that are for the Autumnal Equinox as they have leaves falling from trees was a package I could not remember receiving nor purchasing.

It took a small amount of time after finishing my little “chore” before I opened this mystery package and split it between two glass candle holders to place atop my wealth altar with my Buddha Reiki bracelet beads which I’ve not re-strung having purchased a new bracelet in its stead. What is this miraculous item that I’ve been hinting at?

“Why do ghosts ride the elevator? To lift their spirits.” – Unknown
“What are ghosts’ favorite streets? Dead ends.” – Unknown

It’s black sand with a red/white seashell and black pebble from Hawaii of all places. My first gut reaction was that the colors match stages or phases of alchemy as well as this also has a strange resonance to my birthday card. This was followed by my remembering my blog post on Pele and sending text/email to some people about how confused I was as to where this originated from.

Later my parents informed me that this was something that had been brought back or given to me by my step grandmother from her travels to the islands. I still can’t for the life of me remember being gifted this at all. I have a literal blank on this!

It then crashed into my mental landscape with a harsh jolt that I had some memory of hers with me since she passed circa when I was age 26 this entire time yet I’m 43 now. There is so much stuff that I essentially got rid of between now and then to minimize my life.

How could this one little package be precisely where I found it?

You know us Magha types with our ancestral veneration or issues around the Pitru concepts implies that we’re kind of out there, right? Well here we are with this intriguing little piece of Punalu’u black sand beach now sitting atop my wealth altar.

It wouldn’t matter a lot to most if I did not add in that this is a woman who my mother and I acted as primary caregivers of from Thanksgiving till Easter when she was diagnosed with grade IV brain cancer in Las Vegas.

This was a very difficult time/experience in my life and having it return to my consciousness today is a really mixed bittersweet bag which I won’t go into a lot of details of because I don’t wish to rehash how deeply life altering it really was for me. The only thing I’ll say was that after we left hospice I fell asleep on the couch in our loft upstairs to be awoken to the phone jarring me awake.

I knew before my step father relayed the message to me that she had passed as soon as we lifted off in that plane. The last thing she said to me when we had arrived at hospice before she went into a coma was a garbled “I love you” because this disease had destroyed her motor function and other brain functions even robbing her of correctly processing her memories.

I watched a woman I’d grown up with be consumed rather practically eaten alive by something that I will forever hate because it was so fast in the destruction it wreaked over her independence and life. A lot of days trying to feed someone and just be there for them. Even to sit by their bedside playing their favorite music with photo collages you made of family and massaging their temples while they disappear into a void.

It was a holiday season of hell on Earth for me where I was barely eating or drinking, contracted the flu (I’ve not had the flu ever since this then), and shut down my entire emotional body finding myself unable to emote anything.

Even a single tear was impossible. And then remembering the anger at her own blood family for not doing the care giving so they could world travel as a priority instead. No, it was step family that took on this role and stepped up to bat at the ball game.

Imagine that…

I was virtually dissociated and dead inside during this process trying to just be as strong as I could for her not letting or allowing her to see any of my own personal suffering keeping it well hidden behind a stone like visage/mask navigating hospitals, rehab, and her care home with other elderly members suffering Alzheimer’s or worse.

I’ve had this problem before. I remember suffering various moments of depersonalization as a child, but I did not know the name for what I was experiencing. I experienced this again while coping with gabapentin, tramadol, and cipro respectively. At least now I know what these experiences are similar to identifying the panic attacks I suffered around age 29.

Stories I most definitely have of this period in my existence including my return to work where not long after my manager at the time promoted me to a department lead only to have her mother pass away as well and be out of work for two weeks.

It ensued that my first two weeks in a new position I was running their cosmetology department of the store alone full time. Different company, different moment in time, and a different older version of me.

Within one week she called to check on me and a strange interaction took place again with someone telling me they loved me only it took me the longest of pauses to reciprocate because well I’m really not told that very often certainly not from someone I work with. I don’t express this phrase easily because it’s hardly ever said to me by anyone I encounter in my day to day life.

If it is said to someone it means you mean a lot to me because as I have said it’s so uncommon for me to receive it from others making it too valuable for me to say haphazard to another. Sometimes I simply think I don’t know how to express it correctly at this point in life. If you’re not receiving it how do you learn to give it?

Yeah, not something anyone wants to read or hear, but then again this is what happens with the Ice Queen archetype I suppose also. Reality asks that you live in a cold climate which is harsh. While everyone else is complaining about it being too warm some of us feel as if we reside in Antarctica or Siberia some days.

This is probably why someone recently said to me that I’m a very closed book. I let people only see what I want them to see, but I’ve learned a lot about building walls to protect myself from the countless harmful experiences I’ve already survived not wanting to be any form of a victim ever again.

I don’t like to let my guard down. Today in vein with how I did this for my first as well as middle name we’re going to look at the asteroid for my step grandmother’s first name.

As before when I wrote about the Ice Queen we’re going to explore Asteroid Maria (170) in a Dodecatemoria/Dvadashamsha Chart to assess any layers of energy that are important in determining behavioral patters of one’s second self.

This chart signifies the urge to escape into our spiritual aspect which can’t be explained by our birth wheel. After yesterday I certainly feel like I’ve done a bit of time travel.

“At my funeral, I want a lot of flowers. It’s on my bouquet list.” – Unknown

Maria comes to us via Greek, Afro-Asiatic, Semitic, and Hebrew via the name root of Maryam/Miryam as well as Mariam. We often find this name within the New Testament which means bitterness, beloved, and wished for child. It has been widely used for references to the Virgin Mary as the mother of Jesus Christ or Saint Mary Magdalene who was called an apostle to the apostles.

Hidden within this we find the derivative of Egyptian Myr/Mr correlating to Meritament or Merit-Amun which is beloved of Amun. Yet this name resonates with the numerology of the number 6 connected to nurturing, sympathy, balance, civic responsibilities, and a high priority on family.

Furthermore it relates to our Third Eye chakra connecting one with their higher plane consciousness in the spiritual world. The color represented by this chakra helps one to see beyond their normal sense perceptions realizing that they can rely on their intuition more readily.

The name actually has metaphysical relations to the etymology of magadan which symbolizes exalting or magnifying strength in consciousness where biblically it was related to Naphtali to represent a castle, fortress, greatness, and exaltation.

It is Naphtali that metaphysically corresponds to the brain in the small of the back more commonly called our kidneys directing the elimination of watery elements from our blood. This would fall under the water meridian as well.

Dodecatemoria/Dvadashamsha Chart for Asteroid Maria

We find this asteroid not too afar from where we were looking yesterday. Still within the 9th House, but roughly placed within Sagittarius at 14° which gives us a unique Sabian symbol!

In Vedic/Sidereal as my chart shows the 9th House turns the Wheel of Fortune. This implies that a reflection of God’s/Goddess’ will can offer favorable events upon a person’s life. It’s a meritocracy system where if your karma was good then luck favors you.

Funny or not that today’s video my mom put before me on Angelogy which albeit kind of irked me in it’s limited fundamentalist take on esoterics caused me to have my moment with the person narrating in that everything he was teaching is based on astrotheology and he was passing the narrative off as if aliens in spaceships such as Klingons would be knocking at my door any day now.

I was making puns all day then about should I learn to speak Klingon shortly. Regardless this asteroid is semisextile Moon, sextile Sun, and trine Neptune. Jupiter generally rules Sagittarius signifying growth, luck, and support of our goals so that we can establish our authority.

Usually physical as well as spiritual health improves while we see an increase in our self confidence with this transit. We shouldn’t expect to be completely free of emotional struggles, but life might reward us with a bit more ease as we go about our day to day affairs.

We may find that we have hidden or not-so apparent sources of support that come to our aid. Neptune and Jupiter as energies generally describe the yearnings of one for something beyond what is here and now via idealism and imagination. It’s a time where we become attuned to other realities and have mystical experiences.

Yeah, I’ve seen certain geopolitcal predictive programming for long enough now to know the routine. The world is a stage is it not?

I’ve also read that in August 2022 this was when there was an entrance into a secret garden referencing an incubation period where esoteric mysteries are taught.

This suggested that the path to Shamballa is in fact through the study of astrology to the dismay of so many who keep saying they don’t trust it or that I’m a bit too out in left field including sometimes how I feel when I’m around friends/family who don’t have the same intelligences I’m working on.

The other path to Shamballa is through the heart of Leo, Regulus, as I’ve written about in conjunction to Magha nakshatra for this zodiac sign is the lion of courage. I guess everyone enjoys missing the memos! But hey others claim the Sphinx is a falsification; it was really a dog not a lion! We’ll chalk that up to Sirius!

“The job of a mortician is to make you feel dead gorgeous.”- Unknown

When communication is imbued with beauty and charm it can captivate. The chart holder knows how to enhance any exchange of information. It senses that the world around them is as replete with signs that are the language creative intelligence uses to communicate with all beings.

We may tap into these signs and dance with them thereby accessing the aliveness and grace of information. The Chandra Symbol for this degree is “A terarrium filled with carnivorous plants.”

This degree has an understanding of the unique needs of many different things as well as the types of environments in which they will thrive. It is tuned in to the unique and the unusual knowing that to nurture special talents and abilities they must be fed food that is different from most.

Also manifested here is a great acceptance of differences with respect for the experimental nature of evolution. To cultivate that which is unlike the usual is to bring more variety and interest to life so that we may derive specialized information from sources that are unexpected or even bizarre, but never boring. Work with guardian angel Haamiah and daimon Halphas.

Variety is becoming of a short supply frankly, but I digress! That might signify another form of impending famine or shortages. You’ll then understand why I complain about censorship and algorithms that make the interweb lack quality or taste in my opinion.

Daimon Halphas connects us with the Three of Wands, Mars, Marjoram, and Aries. This daimon creates astral towers which are erected as a protective device guarding one from psychic attacks. Really what this is speaking of is mental fortification of an individual which will allow one’s self to not suffer from negative thoughts or energies projected at them by another.

Halphas is ideal if you wish to be well received and respected while you try to ascertain group dynamics at play around you. I won’t comment on certain holidays approaching that also speak to Aries with their symbolism within the instrument that they choose to blow. Lest we forget what we know about Ares/Mars.

Today we find this degree would be sitting within Sarin in Hercules the Kneeling Man. Little is said ultimately of this particular fixed star beyond the fact that it imbues one with strength of character, tenacity, and fixity of life purpose. Kabbalists associate it with the Hebrew letter Daleth and the tarot trump The Emperor which as always I’ve said I prefer to associate it with The Empress.

Have an inspiring Tuesday! I don’t think I’ll blog for the rest of this week. I would like to take some much needed self care time for myself as selfish as this may sound to some. I’ve got another busy week ahead of me once I return to my part time cosmetology gig. Therefore I want to enjoy the next two days off before I lose them.

Actually a beach day sounds nice, but I’m not near any ocean unless it’s a mental sojourn. Be well! 😊✨

Lunches I’ve attempted recently; a pho dish plated and a potato gnocchi soup variation. Two different ways to use up leftovers.