Manifestation Mondays: Numb Out the Dark and You Numb Out the Light

“Since the very beginning humanity has been panning for gold and using it as trade. Our ancestors called it the prime ore deal soup.” – Unknown

If you’re willing to stick with this till the end I promise it will be worthwhile even if it does appear a bit redundant in the beginning. I’ve left some various gemstones of sparkly clues peppered throughout my blog post today that are located in the underlined hyperlink text for those brave enough to venture around for some perspectives to consider in their repertoire.

Garden wrap up at the end of my writing, but I’m trying very hard to get people to understand that our self help industry is actually why I left my life coach and certain other organizations behind. I’m all about us reaching our potentials so long as we don’t forget that without darkness you would not see the stars, planets, or anything in our solar system.

In other words if you’re only worshiping the light the truth is you’re missing out on a whole lot in life!

For the record pearls are not made without an irritant getting into the mantle tissue!


I had a very productive day yesterday with my part time cosmetology gig. Normally whoever is scheduled a Saturday works alone being that it’s generally a slower day for clients, but not yesterday. I completed the last of freight as well as began re-tagging the Aquage product line all while having a rather ample amount of customers making some larger than normal purchases.

I closed out the day with almost $4,000 in sales which is double what we normally do on most Saturday’s that I’ve worked since beginning in April 2022. That may sound like peanuts to some, but I’m not selling luxury automobiles rather we’re talking hair dye tubes, bowls, brushes, developer, foil, and other cosmetologist supplies which don’t exactly amount in the price range the same as other retail might.

Even with inflation we’re still talking unless you’re selling appliances like flat irons, trimmers, or hair dryers we’re not exactly breaking into the hundreds of dollars vicinity for individual items. And no to the dismay of some I’m not on commission although some items are supposed to qualify for this kind of practice.

We usually don’t seem to actually receive the product which qualifies for “spiff” money from our warehouse or those in charge of purchasing when it occurs during monthly adverts.

The last one featured they decided not to outfit our stores with the items that qualified for commission sales so I do have my own “attitude” towards being snubbed on this by our authority figures as I’ll refer to them. I sold our one and only new Chi Lava hair dryer though!

We’re looking into two asteroids today respectively; Agathon (31344) and Manas (3349). I’ve chosen a Lunar Opposition chart today, but taken from the Vedic/Sidereal analysis because of the fact that we’ve begun a Full Harvest Moon as well as Pitru Paksha which I touched on previously.

Something else I wanted to confront with anyone who reads my writings is that I’m not one of those toxic happiness culture numb out types nor do I like White Knight Syndrome.

In a nutshell Pitru Paksha is in my eyes a direct tie into being born in Magha nakshatra as I’ve said because it is ruled by Regulus, Ketu, and the Pitrs. The Full Moon within September/October of Bhadrapada ends on the New Moon. Many of these rituals involve rice ball offerings or black sesame seeds to secure blessings.

I had recently begun doing a lot of cooking with rice noodles and black sesame seeds with or upon the dietary changes I am currently making for myself. It is here that we see the dualistic view of malefic versus benefic which shapes many a world view.

“One of the cheapest elements which just costs 5 cents to buy is nickel.” – Unknown

These offerings in whichever form one may practice are believed to reach one’s ancestors directly through the powerful rays of the Sun. There are beliefs this can be performed for those who have departed in unnatural ways by accident or whose dates of death are unknown.

The significance really belonging to giving one’s ancestors salvation and peace from endless suffering that they may gain freedom. Others yet have strong holdings towards this helping them as descendants receiving blessings of a variety of forms. Funny word that suffering is. We often misconstrue so much!

Latin suffero has an etymological reference to supporting or sustaining, but we always immediately identify this word directly with pain rather than understanding it as a form of endurance, stamina, and persistence. What would we do if this was not thought of in terms of athletes training. Muscles strengthen when we properly endure hardship or take on strength training.

A tarot reader who spoke to this from her time in psychotherapy which I received a reading from spoke to this as well when she stated that you don’t rush any process of cocooning or healing because the worst thing to do with someone who is not in the stretch zone is to pressure them before they’re healed.

This will instead move them into the stress zone. That eventually, yes, there is a metamorphosis upon whcih the caterpillar is transmuted into the butterfly taking flight.

Essentially she was stating to me that now is an ideal time for me to likewise become the butterfly by sharing with others my life experiences in the hopes that they might too grow or learn from some of my successes as well as my obvious foibles! Instead she sensed there was a time period where I too had cocooned which I’ll admit was necessary to my own well being.

A great example of this was the patience it took in raising the swallowtails I acquired my first year of gardening. One of the caterpillars stayed in chrysalis with me for a full year before the butterfly emerged and took flight.

All of his/her siblings had already emerged and left their surrogate mother, but this one waited a full year until the date of my maternal grandfather’s birthday who had passed on before he/she decided to embark on the next leg of their life’s path/purpose.

There was nothing more you could do except patiently wait and observe not as a nervous ninny, but as any parent would tend to their young who will soon leave the nest.

I have a lot of people around me I think in life who expect or even desire me to be that which I am not therefore if this is the case you might want to “follow” someone else. I’m not that kind of an influencer in life nor do I plan to be.

If you’re looking for fakery you’ve come to the wrong corner of the interweb. I’m not a click funnel, I’m not doing affiliate marketing, and the only thing I’ve attempted to sell is astrology via my online business.

I don’t review items as I did for cosmetology PR when I owned my spa although I was quite truthful in my reviews when I began that venture. The point is if you don’t like what I write don’t click “like” or “follow” just for the hope of gaining something back from me because while I occasionally do reciprocal it usually is done for that which I find value in not out of shallowness.

In fact I’m going to be honest that I’m tired of explaining all of this redundantly from time to time that I’ve been online creating since the late 90s so I know that the interweb is not the place it once was.

Therefore I’m well aware of scams, deep fakes, data harvesting, the damage of search engines constantly directing one to first page listings with either a virus or malware linked to it, censorship, and automation hence artificial intelligence is fake because you can interact with chat bots pretending to be real.

Like the fashion or tell-a-lie-vision industries the interweb is full of equally as much Photoshop, CGI, green screen, and “glamour” making as ever. So much of it is not real, but rather a mirage!

“This book has anti-gravity qualities – it’s unputdownable.” – Unknown

I even left Twitter at what was the largest of times for me to incur crypto cons, automated feeds putting kiddie porn in with no way to report it to anyone who would correct it because it should have been directed to the authorities or removed, political ops pushing blunt Communism and other ideologies, and more all becoming harassment with only a small handful of legitimate real or even decent people following my business or blog.

Such is the spider’s current web which has been woven by all involved in creating what we now see when we logon to this little cyber/virtual reality. Again as I’ve said it’s not words that define us, but the actions that showcase the character of who we all are.

Anyone can be fraudulent at this point if we don’t do our fair share of critical thinking or research. Twitter was a mess where I would find that it fully automated by data harvesting anything from anyone who followed me creating a list of “interests” it thought I shared with my followers. In a nutshell their system made me feel violated.

This is how I began to see topics I did not wish to be affiliated with showing up in my feed every second, minute, hour, day, week, and so forth. If someone followed you and as I said above had kiddie porn or human trafficking or other inauspiciousness tied to them then Twitter would put it on your list as well.

That’s just the trouble with allowing an algorithm to determine the results in life instead of allowing humans to exercise their agency! But in today’s world most everyone wants to worship at the altar of a binary coded deified system of technocracy. After a lot of headaches I had realized why I was sick of big tech social media choosing to wipe my account and delete it in its entirety within the same action plan.

You could say this began my own cocooning phase because outside of a barely known blog or business website I have decided for a while to not commit to the mass online media platform craze. Something that Facebook would not allow me to do with my spa business whom I still openly have a lot of disdain towards because I still get people inquiring of services or products for a business DBA I closed.

Why they refused to delete my business page likely has to do with their obscene terms of service where they claim anything you upload becomes their property. Food for thought with so many utilizing them for personal objectification! I don’t wish to be owned by big tech mass media.

The reason we are looking at these asteroids today is because they form a tie in with everything I usually put my radar on about humanity within psychology/esoterics. I’m not a dogmatist as I’ve also repeatedly said therefore I try hard to avoid websites that use holidays, astrology, or indulgences to entice clients because again frankly you’re removing agency from people in my estimation.

I see this as deceptive unless someone has not the time to perform anything themselves in their own manner/fashion to develop a spiritual practice. Why do you need to employ another person besides yourself as the intermediary to reach God/Goddess?

Legalisms are not my cup of tea, but I understand why some have created a foundation for rituals although everyone should be comfortable to translate said ceremony into their own. Instead we have an entire world of do’s and don’ts in a dualistic society popping up everywhere for almost everything under the Sun or Universe/Cosmos.

Most of these are assumptive of things that drive me as nuts as when I approached learning Judaism feeling put off by legalist orthodoxy because to me it kills the spirit of everything when you are so rigid or limited thinking. If people assume I’m stuck in the past rather than the present they also have the wrong idea because we learn hopefully by reflecting upon our his or her story rather than repeat it.

Some never learn, however, continuously repeating their mistakes. Still others throw around terminology to label others without much thought because one term rampant is narcissism that everyone in the “New Age” wants to use as a blanket term for that which offends not understanding that it’s not even comical at this point.

The term is always being redefined within medical journals as well which I call hoodwinkery with neural linguistic programming because no one is looking beyond a pre-ordained definition given to them by someone who also may be contextually illiterate.

For one this is beyond excessive love of self or staring into the reflection of one’s self, but borders on sexual desire for one’s own body. Taken from German narzissismus it is often described as autosexuality beyond egocentrism.

For those not getting where I’m going this means that one would actually have to behave as if reflexive towards sexual activity, concern, potency, identity, and orientation only with themself never desiring sexual activity with anyone else.

While there would be many other variations of this term to arise from the minds of our esteemed leadership who also think they know-it-all we should be ensuring that we also correctly recognize the role we play in misidentifying others lest we want to possibly pay the price of slander/libel one day for which there are legal rammifications.

The other day, for example, I utilized the term jerk in defining others I get aggravated with which someone would say is equally offensive, but is really referring to a person who is dull or suffering from ignorance. We all can become imbibed with those characteristics from time to time therefore in my life I have also played the role or archetype of a “jerk” sometimes becoming unlikable or obnoxious.

“I held up my wall clock to the mirror. It was time for reflection.” – Unknown

Now someone somewhere will ask why I share what I do if my beliefs may differ from those I’ve used within my underlined hyperlink text, but the fact of the matter is we’re all learning from one another. That is what diversity is all about.

An ability to agree to disagree or to accept what makes us uniquely different as we find ways to be true to our selves. Nothing in my blog posts has ever been a one stop for it is actually often an evolution of studying as well as getting to know me alongside other/we.

I’m well aware someone will say I discuss this way too much, but here is the rub for me. If you always view anything outside of positivity and happiness culture as a negative you’ve created a shadow or projection of that which you won’t integrate within yourself.

This is a psychological issue I’ve also been larping or harping upon for months. No, I can not control others. When I said my circle of influence was small I was implying that really the only person we control is ourselves.

I also know that my approach can sound like I’m consistently complaining rather than offering constructive feedback for the myriad experiences I’ve learned something from in life. One being when I had my spa business offering mineral makeup with a glitter/adhesive combination aimed at cheer or drill teams. The catch I learned was you can never sell direct to any college or high school nor dance school that was stand alone.

With the idea that we’ve evolved or have made life simpler we learn that our rules have rules for rules. It was always a matter of that you had to know how to put in bids and compete to earn a contract that the organization would assign not you.

I even tried forming a contract with a beauty school in Arlington that I had been partnering with for selling my items. Reason being I was always attending their beauty school industry show every October and selling in a booth rental to recent graduates earning their licenses.

No one wanted to take on the contract or bid when offered no matter what you drew up. Another being that I’ve learned that app stores and others use deceptive marketing to sell their services as well as put up paid for disputable unrealistic reviews to sway public opinion.

It’s not complaining in any shape or form rather it’s to educate someone so they’re not repeating the mistakes I’ve already encountered and grown from. Naivety and ignorance both not really being all they’re cracked up to be when silly claims that they might be bliss are absurd at best! I’ve got people throwing pipe dreams and castles in the sky that are not even grounded in reality at me almost all the time.

Many of them being pyramid schemes with a re-arranged lingo attached to them in the hopes that some poor soul won’t be able to intuit the truth out of the swindle! Yes, you all know who you are. Are you working for yourself or someone else?

If there is a hierarchy in a supposed self made business than it’s not unreasonable to see it as a nuanced pyramid scheme where minions work for those at the top reminding me of some form of thralldom many are not recognizing. If we used this in light of my astrology business we’d see that I’m a sole proprietor so I work for self not for any other hierarchy.

Whatever we dislike in others we have to integrate into ourselves. We have to acknowledge our unrest with why our mirror is feeding us something we’ve either repressed or ignored within our subconscious or unconscious.

Then we need to get to the root of our problem in terms of why we are shunning anger, sadness, grieving processes, melancholy, anxiety, and more as some obsession we are to destroy by dissociation, numbing out, or essentially self medicating with pharmaceuticals, food, shopping, or other means of escapism.

These are all the makings of the common traits of our inherited Piscean identity when one can not cope correctly with trauma, challenges, or adversity. As one commenter in this video puts it which I agree with we judge self or other vehemently when we should not especially regarding pain or suffering.

There is value to be found in the uncomfortableness of not always being “happy!” We learn more by our mistakes sometimes than a cake walk easy trek through life without a single misstep.

A great example is that months ago I touched on this in writing only to recognize many of these phrases or affirmations were one’s even I’d fallen victim of using when actively listening or trying to help out a family member, co-worker, or friend. It required a lot to admit to myself that maybe I was doing more harm than good simply by having what I thought was good intentions!

“Color itself is a degree of darkness.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

So why would someone decide upon asteroids bearing the terminology Agathon and Manas? Let’s look into these two terms briefly before we investigate their placements.

Ἀγάθων further derived from ἀγαθός forming the basis of Agathon as well as Agathos is best etymologically defined as made great, whose deeds are great, brave/noble, moral, and fortunate/useful. Hidden in this kernel of truth by contextually analyzing the word we find a link to Magha for which my nakshatra I was born into relates to Proto Indo European via méǵhs referencing etymologically big and great alongside Proto Celtic magios alluding to noble or chief.

It is within Old Swedish or Norse forms of Proto Germanic that we notice Magha is also the etymology of being able or having the strength to feel well or bad. This one word Agathon can suddenly be found to originate with Persian or Avestan as well as Hittite script as mēkkis etymologically valued as much, many, and numerous.

I’ve covered a lot of this when I studied the meaning of my name. If I wanted to I could trace this word linking it to a variety of other terms many are familiar with, but perhaps unaware of their family tree!

Studying linguistics this way helps me to be better skilled at comprehending the world around me especially as I worked in the the legal field in my youth therefore I’m quite well aware that anyone can twist meanings to suit their own gains often to serve some purpose that benefits them alone.

Which is why I’ve been a huge proponent that others begin doing some deeper research in life than taking anything at “face value.” Manas is going to be a little bit trickier for I’ve chosen to employ this through a far more esoteric lens than perhaps others would.

मनस् being the etymological value of the mind, intellect, perception, and will or desire. The doublet of मन would take this further as heart, emotion, soul, and temperament.

Regardless of any religion some see this as an aetheric double with a relation to the Monad or higher human mind. This then can be seen as understanding how our individual or collective karma depends upon whether manas gravitates downward into kama rupa at the seat of our animal passions or upwards to buddhi a spiritual ego. Strangely though I’m left with that phrase what goes up must come down.

The Lunar Opposition chart hereby is being utilized to look into the dreamlike influence of one’s subconscious or unconscious, intuition, and imagination for clarity of any conflicts that might present themselves with our recent Full Harvest Moon. It’s a better idea in my estimation to become conscious of these factors before they turn into their own acted out/upon realities without my awareness.

Lunar Opposition Chart for Asteroids Agathon and Manas

We can see that we are respectively focused within the 5th and 10th Houses today. 5th House representing our sense of discrimination, rationalization, and analytical skills tends to involve coherence, righteousness, higher education, spiritual learning, and is ruled by Leo with a natural significator of Jupiter relating to good fortune and wisdom.

10th House is a place of highest achievement, recognition, and a position for one’s professional endeavors, but we need to determine if one is ambitious or disinterested. Ruled by Capricorn we also need to discern if this is a characteristic workaholic.

Themes that perhaps others are not aware they should be assessing in their charts or allowing others to teach them. I have never advertised personal consultations, but I imagine they would work better with the astrology reports I am trying to offer making a client feel a little more comfortable with what they’re being given.

I’ve met a lot of people who struggle to comprehend their astrology reports even when their customized rather than cold readings generated by off hand software.

In the 5th House of Sagittarius at 11° we find Agathon while we can look to the 10th House of Aries for the Anaretic 29° of Manas. Anaretic implying that one must “master” the skills of this house/sign before they can precess to the next. Again I believe we may be viewing the Kite which I previously explained.

Asteroid Agathon squares Mercury and Jupiter while trining Venus. Meanwhile Asteroid Manas squares Saturn, sextiles Neptune, trines Pluto, and is sesquiquadrate Mercury. Let’s see if I’m picking up on any useful energies shall we.

Our mental faculties may be receiving a boost, but we need to guard against overlooking the facts or falling into wishful thinking. We may develop an increased curiosity for topics surrounding philosophy, morals/ethics, and foreign cultures/travel.

Yet we might also be grappling with a clash between the higher and lower mind where we need to determine if we’re going to fall prey to the rules of the game. If we’re not careful we can miss the small details while only observing the big picture.

The most important aspect of this phase is to heal one’s self worth and to focus on healing the physical body. Avoid overdoing things, laziness, and don’t misuse your finances at this time. If one is frustrated by setbacks they may need to instead realize that small actions have significant impacts.

One could begin to allow intuition to guide their actions more while avoiding becoming too otherworldly. It’s a good time to take responsibility for self when making positive changes, putting more energy into physical work or exercise, and feeling motivated or fearless in one’s endeavors.

If we think about it a large chunk of what we are often arguing about in life has more to do with opinions than factual based confrontations often due to being impassioned one way or the other. When our reactions slow down we finally get to know ourselves more intimately feeling less chaos about the parts that make us whole.

“What did the tick ask the clock? “Hey, what are you tocking about?”- Unknown

Beauty is a state of mind that is ever present and waiting to be entered. This degree knows instinctively that beauty is within the self and if allowed to shine forth will transform everything it touches. Rather than needing to strive to capture beauty the chart holder knows that beauty is to be found by allowing the self to be captured by it.

The Chandra Symbol for this degree is “A string of pearls.” The chart holder naturally realizes that all wisdom is connected and inherently all the same. Everything is permeated with wisdom. The big question, then, is how deeply do you go into it? For wisdom has different levels and takes on different colors in different contexts.

If you do the same thing over and over, such as read the same book, you gain nothing new from it unless you allow yourself to go deeper. Deeper is exactly where you need to keep going so that you move from the surface reflection of the pearls into their center. Work with guardian angel Chavakiah and daimon Marchosias.

Daimon Marchosias connects with the Nine of Cups, Moon, Pisces, and Pennyroyal. If there is an inner as well as outer innate power/strength than this daimon helps one stop feeling discouraged when confronting conflicts. Most would define Marchosias as an identifier for workaholism being that left uncontrolled this energy can make one work a lot of long hours when not kept in check.

For women this daimon often makes one brave when confronting or trying to win a debate.

If you wish to overcome a chronic addiction Marchosias is a very good daimon to employ. You’ll learn to become focused and disciplined towards goals you set for yourself.

The chart holder is fully aware that living is a dirty business and like a flower they would have to delve into the thick of it if they were ever going to bloom. All the things that had disintegrated to make the soil spilled over the edges of the chart holder’s imagination mixing with the rocks that had gnashed their gray teeth against each other to make clay.

The rain gave it all smoothness and flow. It was a pleasure growing into it and up out of it, caught in the middle, which was exactly where the chart holder had planted themself. Work with guardian angel Reiyel and daimon Astaroth.

Daimon Astaroth links us to the the Three of Pentacles, Venus, Vervain, and Capricorn. I’m going to refer everyone to this blog post for Astaroth as I think it was a better description and synopsis.

Sky Tours of Sagittarius and Aries

We have a total of three fixed stars for these degrees including Vertex the spiral galaxy within Andromeda’s thigh, Alrisha the knot of Pisces the Fishes, and Alwaid in Draco the Dragon.

We know the mythology of Andromeda deals with the maiden in distress archetype. What we ignore, however, is the prefix andro and andreia relate to courage. An example of this being the hormone and drug androstendione as a direct precursor to testotsterone.

Ironic then is it not that the word andere in Basque refers to a lady. It is the meda of this name which asks us to be mindful, give heed to, and meditate upon taking appropriate measures while we likewise ignore the name Medusa relating towards a ruler or guardian which some interpret as she who reigns over humanity.

Alrisha comes to us via the Arabic terminology of Ukd al H’aitain no longer used today for the Cord which is 20° south from the head of Aries making the knot within Pisces. These united cords join the two fishes. Some defined this as a flaxen thread/bond.

Kabbalists associated this fixed star with the Hebrew letter Pe/Peh and the tarot trump The Star. I was born in 1979 for those seeking a reference as it will make more sense with the next fixed star reference to Scorpio through the tarot trump Death.

Lastly Alwaid has been sometimes described as the nebulous star in the dragon’s eye. There is not much really given for this fixed star beyond a somber nature, penetrating analytical mind, and travel.

Some considered this to indicate robbery or accidental poisoning. Kabbalists associate this fixed star with the Hebrew letter Mem and the tarot trump Death.

Herein is another rub to consider if you’ve not read older writings about my health, the pharmaceutical industry which I’ve dealt with in terms of terrible prescribed drugs which left me with toxicity, or any other issues I’ve been working to address for self and other.

You probably are not going to be able to get to know or understand me very well if you take the easy route. The reason I said I won’t pretend to be that which I am not is that those kinds of relationships are cliches and falsehoods.

We in fact spend a lot of time trying to remold one another not into that which is true to self, but is rather what others wish to see in us as an attempt to “fit in.” Why? Because the ego wants to belong which is why sometimes I do have to laugh at the “there is no ‘I’ movement” being that it’s also part of a dichotomy that does not necessarily see it’s own faults.

The objective of this movement is to gain unity which is just another form of egotism trying to “fit in.” Most of our misadventures lie in mistakenly believing that we’ve succeeded in something with which we’re still grappling to fully understand.

That being this incessant urge to merge back into whence we came. This is perhaps why so many people state that when you think you’ve crossed the finish line or achieved something great you may very well be deluding yourself into another snare/trap.

Why are we so obsessed with being part of a collective as if we desperately need to look like the Star Trek Borg exactly instead of celebrating our individuality and uniqueness? Because if I was honest the very last thing I want to succeed at is becoming the Borg Hive Mind! I think this is where I’d state one person’s heaven is another’s hell.

Funny is it not that we say self help is to be a better version of ourselves, but this is rooted in judgment based ideology of identitying with perhaps self dislike or self hate in a society that made slogans such as “Be like _______” conditioning one to not be themselves rather to imitate others. No that is not flattery!

Have an agitative and cerebral Monday now that I’ve played perhaps Devil’s Advocate by making your day have some friction! 🧠⁉️😨

As you can see the beans are back in full force. They have successfully fed upon their own compost and returned to bumper crop!
The peanuts the squirrels have planted from a neighbor who feeds them in my carrot, wildflower, and other beds have grown very large. We checked today and my step father pulled out a fully grown peanut off one of the plants.

I will need his help this week to harvest them and then dry them out!
The garden is winding down for the fall/winter. There will still be plenty of cleanup due to our neighbor’s trees dumping leaves, acorns, and other debris into our fenced garden.

Above is basil, marigolds, the non flowering hollyhock, and the bottlebrush.
The zinnias are picking up small amounts of powdery mildew on their leaves/stems from recent rains!

PS: I’ve had to re-publish this blog post after reverting to a draft. I forgot to add the garden images to the end of the blog post. I apologize for the confusion! 🥺🙏

Wisdom Wednesdays: Understanding the Value/Validation of Negative Emotions

“I’m only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.” – Unknown (Garden)

I’m issuing a trigger warning today because some of this may be difficult for certain audience members to read or learn. Any underlined hyperlink text you find is here to simply expand awareness by pointing you towards asking questions about any limiting beliefs you may still adhere to.


A lot of people online may not realize the life or careers I’ve held or the changes that I’ve experienced as I’ve come across certain educationally enriching experiences/knowledge. To some it may appear that I sound rather snide in my blog posts, morally/ethically self righteous, and bitter. The problem is fitting a personal history into a blog or social media platform within reasonable constraints with those who may shut off to a message being delivered. I worked my first post college job at a regional office for State Farm in Life insurance within a department that digitized files/records then moved into accounting after applications were inputted and went through underwriting.

I returned to college to get my Associates Degree in Office Technology while working in personal injury as well medical malpractice law. The most pivotal experience in my 20s was the 500+ breast implant cases I was handling at Federal level for women who suffered botched surgeries and silicone poisoning against well known mega corporations. We were also working on elderly care/neglect cases, but I was not involved in that side of the firm. I was the silicone poisoning justice woman. This was all at the administrative level only. I was more like an Erin Brockovich.

These cases become personal when you meet your client and have to hear/see their stories especially if you’re also a woman with an acute sense of empathy that can only be “numbed out” for a certain time frame and ignored. You may witness someone who has suffered from plastic surgery that left them with a gangrene infection permanently disfiguring them because they had to have their nipples permanently removed.

Others may have already entered the six foot under part of impermanence which means we are explaining to the son of a mother that we would have to exhume her and an autopsy be performed to remove the implants in order to locate their product information as the lawsuit rewards are based on specific “numbers” that delineate the silicone breast implant manufacturer because we sat for countless hours combing through files in a conference room reading medical records unable to find this information. Still others may actually die from silicone poisoning during the holidays so you receive a phone call that can be very emotionally triggering when you’ve become that close to fighting for the cause of someone else who felt wronged.

My high school best friend’s mother got silicone implants. Doctors and mega corporations told her they were lifetime safe. They ruptured so the two of us watched as she sat in a hospital with tubes in her lymphatic system via the underarms having this drained. She is permanently disabled with an immune deficiency syndrome after being poisoned by silicone. She could never work again! They had been in a car accident and were sued under a personal injury lawsuit, lost everything, and were in extreme poverty. Her father worked in construction as independent contractor. If you find me peculiar because I sound like a Greek “harpy” terrorizing your life about my own chemical sensitization and concerns regarding medical care I only want to raise awareness and actually to inform the public so others are not harmed.

I recognize that mega corporations lobby and that systems are in place which have hierarchies that have vested interests in protecting these organizations profits because at the end of the day the employees of these mega corporations are simply trying to put food on a family table, provide a roof over their heads, and to clothe themselves. I’m not a complete righteously indignant jerk rather I simply believe different than you, and I may be passionate about my own beliefs the same as any mega corporation, NGO, or political affiliation. That said I also know some people are just corrupt! I know I’m told to see the good in even the bad. Not exactly easy to do sometimes; I’m human!

We all know this no book, movie, or personal tale will have an audience without it’s hero and villain archetypes. As I’ve said I’m not perfect sometimes I’m just feeling like a frog in a pot on boil!

After this I worked for a very long time in retail. I was very good at jewelry/watch sales in department stores, but clothing is not my jive. One large sale day I took photos with my cell phone of clothes up to my knees left on the floor by customers as I was disgusted. We could not keep up when you’re on commission sales, and if you don’t meet a quota you actually get your pay docked. This department store not to be named hires you at the highest pay, but when you’re not cut throat about sales goals your pay will be docked every consecutive review period until it’s back to minimum wage in the USA.

They lock you in the store during closing/recovery and threaten you that if you leave you won’t have a job. It’s morally and ethically demeaning to endure this when you need to pay your bills. I may develop a certain cynicism as I realize others don’t have the same empathy that I do because I see that they operate from shady practices. As I speak out co-workers or family may call me the Norma Rae because I’m getting really fed up with the status quo of humanity at large, I may want change, but am not sure how to fix the problems we’re encountering!

Then I worked in oil exploration as an administrative assistant. This did not last very long being that a female higher up had a personal problem with me telling me to my face that I should stick to retail because I was essentially ineffective at my job. I both love and hate at will employment because I can sever ties, but usually it gives the right to employers to be proverbial @#$%&. This woman had clout I was told because she slept her way into the owner’s charms. Nothing new, and I won’t put my judgments here about that. It isn’t even my business.

So I go over to grocery retail as a cashier managing to befriend the cosmetic department staff. I earn my way into a leadership position over time in cosmetics and stay for a while, but this company has no growth for me to enter management. I leave for a little over a year to become a photo lab technician and cosmetics manager at a drugstore. This is another commission based role with the added pressures of people who call out, a store manager who is stealing from the company which I have to report to loss prevention (cosmetics and photo lab processes employee discounts so I had that authority, but the store manager wanted me to give the discount to vendors and ex-employees essentially sweethearting), and we have to be responsible for department resets where you get planograms and have to re-arrange products on the shelves constantly like musical chairs.

I guess my co-workers wanted me to go down being the fall guy for a corrupt store manager; I don’t work that way. Again sorry! I had bailed on a job in college due to another form of business or professional ethics gone wrong that jeopardized me and could  have had “implications.” No job is worth someone asking me to get into “trouble” for them. A lot of people I know are not worth that kind of sacrifice! I’m not your patsy nor your martyr!

You’re hated because you snitched on a certain manager and did not take the fall for the company theft which was ongoing by co-workers yet district management appreciates you. Then you decide I want to blow this because I’m not appreciating this job either right now with this kind of unnecessary drama giving me panic attacks as I sometimes have to simultaneously run two departments when anyone no call no shows or calls in sick.

You decide I’m going to attend beauty school and as stated before that is an interesting journey also. After interviewing and getting nowhere you begin your own aesthetics business while working as a part time grocery store cashier again to help pay for the costs of beginning an entrepreneurship. You even start pawning items you no longer need or want to pay off the loans to begin your little business and afford rental costs. All is going well until you have a medical incident like this one. You learn that you’re chemically sensitized to such an extreme that you along that course had a potential near death anaphylactic episode which was very triggering and life changing. You begin to educate yourself on cosmetic chemistry as well as what is in your dental care, home cleaning care, etc. thus beginning to see patterns unfolding.

I tried an aesthetician role at a newly opened compounding pharmacy also. The owner thought it was cute everyday to psychologically abuse me by also ridiculing my work everyday. That person who sits in an office and tells you to get his pharmacy up and running by bringing him all your design ideas for product placement/visual sales. Everything fails as he continuously hates every idea you bring him so you leave the job so irate you’re crying. The compounding pharmacist he hired comes over and does the product placement/visual sales, and you realize they have a “favoritism” issue.

Before the business goes under you look at the social media to realize they never hired another aesthetician to replace you so you’re utterly confused as to the potential WTAF that was for a very short two weeks of hell on Earth. The Devil Wears Prada?! If I was not replaced why did you even hire me to begin with? Was I that bad or did you have a personal vendetta? I was interviewed with the role of performing actual makeup/facial services not product placement/visual sales, but I bet that was the non disclosed part of a job description that reads “additional duties” leaving out the fact that some people can’t be pleased or enjoy being a male who hires a female they can belittle. I won’t discuss there was a massive racial issue at play also. I’m fine with constructive criticism until I can tell you’re just wanting to be what I call a prick; sorry. The business folded within months. It never went anywhere!

I think some of my readers want me to sugar coat and talk nicely of others, but then you’re having a problem with projection or shadow work. Everyone judges and if you believe that you don’t you’re in denial. Discernment is judgment which is always being utilized in life because if it wasn’t most of society would constantly fail at healthy self love or avoiding unhealthy relating we all fall victim to when we forget that we have a right to say “NO!”

What I’m saying is if I put something in front of you I’m not asking you to believe everything I believe. You’ve not lived my life and I’ve not lived yours. What I am always asking is for open mindedness, critical thinking without bias/prejudice, zero shilling if possible, and for one to reconsider their limiting beliefs as I have had to continuously do. None of this stops at just these industries because grocery retail exposes one to the entire factory farm, genetic modified, and so forth philosophies as well to “pick a side of history” to support. Beyond this all of these careers begin to start to fray at the lines of political discourse that always creates rifts between employee/employer, family, and friends. I’ve said this before I don’t expect to be liked all the time. I’ve learned to not expect much of an audience to even listen to me while trying to not make it personal. I struggle with objectivity some days because actually it is personal; sorry!

In my eyes if humans are not getting angry or experiencing negative emotions it’s my belief then that this is how we continue to not effect change. If you’re in escapism or anesthetized from feeling something then you’re more likely to sit there in that complacency I discussed yesterday. Others of us are willing to feel and work through developing shadow integration while trying to figure out how best to improve our Emotional IQ. We don’t always get this right!

I have not gone into corporate America for a little over a year because the awakening I’ve had has made it difficult to “pretend act” that everything in my life is going fine or that I agree with the practices of certain mega corporations. This still hasn’t touched on the fact that the last two years were stressful on another front. I am not asking for or expecting perfection, but I’m so out of alignment with much I find it really difficult to keep up a guise that creates dissonance or hypocrisy in my psyche. I wind up feeling inauthentic, and as if I’m lying to my customer when I enter the role of that which does not represent me correctly just to earn a paycheck.

How others do it I’m not sure because I believe this is why I wound up consuming ASMR as I said in yesterday’s blog post or having panic attacks since it’s the way your consciousness seeks to communicate with you and suppression of dis-ease is never healthy. No one said evolution or enlightenment was some sort of cake walk! It actually is going to be painful. I may sound as if I’m making excuses when I confront job hunting and act selectively. Again it’s about a person’s beliefs/principals they wish to lead by and what actions they’re comfortable with taking or even what legacy they may leave/be remembered for.

I am nothing like my youth for hobbies or extra curricular activities. My extroversion has become introversion to re-configure where I want to be in my future. I’ve ran a domain that focused on anime and Japanese music, I participated in a website review group that helped publish articles on web design, I was partnered with public relations for brand name cosmetics and published for a beauty blog in Ireland, I attended concerts, played visual novels that reminded me of my youth reading Choose Your Own Adventure novels, got absorbed into fashion fads before abandoning them, and decided I don’t really need to date because I’m comfortable in my own skin at 42.

And people all want to change me which is where all relating has created some impasses. It’s really a funny thing with psychology whether that is positive or not because we have to remember you don’t force others to change. You only change yourself. Mirrors; it’s always the hall of mirrors. You can’t change the path someone is on because we’re all here to take our own paths. So even the best of advice we’re all guilty of rejecting or feeling sometimes a rebuff when it’s offered to us despite the best of intentions. Again we don’t change others we change ourselves!

Why People Prefer to Retreat or Go Within:

As a way to effectively end this blog post and work with an archetype today I’m going to chart asteroid Sekhmet (5381) into an Age Harmonic Chart to honor the negative emotion of rage. Catharsis and healing only really comes through the honoring and acknowledgment of one’s condition so they can after all release it. Sekhmet the Egyptian term for Shakti connects our evolutionary Kundalini or driving force of creation with the awakening of power to create/destroy for better/worse.

Sekhmet is in my 9th House of Sagittarius 2° which is an astrological house concerned with personal expression, but the 9th House is based in philosophical, higher learning, religious, foreign cultures, and major social institutions. Ultimately what happens in the 9th House is an individual gains access to the collective mind so to speak attempting to access a higher level of inspiration to develop their social conscience.

Age Harmonic Chart for Asteroid Sekhmet

When we look around what do we see? We are all busy all the time often without the patience or energy to be anything for another. Some of us want to be there, but instead we walk around with these masks plastered to our faces which serve to hide away the parts of ourselves that make us human acting as the cornerstones of our stories, lessons, and scars. Tuck away that which we are ashamed of…

What I’ve noticed is I’ve reached out recently to all the wrong people right now; taking it too personally. I’m tired of the toxic culture of positivity as I touched on yesterday. I’m tired of society that keeps offering me quiet polite platitudes because I sense “their inauthenticity” and brush off. “Sharing is caring” is not an accurate phrase. When we share sometimes it’s simply not welcomed by others. And if that sounds very negative I do not mean it as a negative. It’s speaking to all of us thinking before we hit “send, like, or publish.”

Sagittarius rules the 9th House with Jupiter where we search for meaning grasping everything which is available to us grappling with our worth and soul purpose; this becomes our front and center!

This was a good asteroid to chart because I can relate to the Sabian symbol. It actually has the message of continuous swelling of energy and emotion focused on being cheerful and lively attracting the unusual and eccentric in one’s friends/past times. It embodies the affirmation of seeking adventure and freedom. But ultimately it’s the Chandra symbol that also speaks to me because the neighborhood where I live has a street named Iris. The Greek rainbow goddess who acts as a messenger while simultaneously referencing flower magic.


Many iris blooming in a wide variety of colors.

A vast multiplicity of vantage points, ways of being, and complete identities. Fabulously suggestible and impressionable. Fanning out in all directions and becoming one with everything. Desiring and needing to bring forth each self you have ever been, every fancy you are filled with, you are impetuous, outrageous, and irrepressible. Freedom at all costs. The moment prevails. Ferment and flux. A great difficulty in holding steady, perpetual adolescent rebellion, and the magnificent ability to become absolutely anything. Experience is all. Your deepest need is to embrace your astounding nature and let it be free despite all signs to the contrary.

In the darkest and most difficult of situations a chart holder on this degree can feel those forces which are ever present always ready to guide them. This degree could be named “The Glimmer of Hope” which is something the chart holder can always find. Although their outward demeanor won’t match the inner there is a tremendous underlying confidence which can sneak silently in and inspire other people.

This degree is highly creative with elusive inspiration quickly coming and going. The challenge here is to accept this fragile passing quality and go with it faithfully moving with the energy when it’s there without attempting to capture or contain it in the sense of limitations or regulating its ephemeral nature. The secret is that when we finally and completely accept the truth that all will pass away we realize also that all is continually being reborn. Then we are able to live within as eternal flux. Working with guardian angel Haaiah and daimon Bune is recommended.

Daimon Bune relates to the 9 of Wands, Venus, Sagittarius, and Orange. Bune is an essential when you seek employment, business expansion, and promotions. This daimon generally grants one wisdom, eloquence, and I’ve read many reach out to Bune when they realize their career trajectory has thus far left them rather pessimistic and miserable. Usually there is an inspiration to explore opening one’s own business.

What I need is to figure out how else to generate any support here. I really can’t stand always ending blog posts asking for someone to consider purchasing an astrology report or donating to me. What I probably need to ask for is if someone would help me generate some ideas on what I can “expand into” that an audience might feel more comfortable with. Otherwise I’m simply fumbling around in the dark with no flashlight tripping over objects like furniture. Please don’t leave me here listening to crickets. 🙏🏻

If I was honest these last two years I lost a lot people that I thought were friends some by my own choosing to walk away, some by distance, and others because we’re now too “different” as I got to see who they actually were which allows me to discover my blind spots.

I was, however, informed by my step father that he has been investigating a way to help me possibly achieve my podcasting goals since I’ve not had any substantial financial support otherwise yet from my business. It’s been small potatoes over here. I call this stage treading water so as to not run out of energy and sink.

I hope you have an edifying Wednesday. 🌧️🌈🌤️

Today was far better than yesterday. I am enjoying a banned or censored video on a Senate bill panel in Pennsylvania regarding health freedom which is wonderful to see. At this stage the focus is on children kindergarten and up. I wish these messages would get to audiences with larger more expansive reach! I’m thrilled it is beginning where it is, but I firmly believe medical autonomy/freedom should extend to a larger audience globally!

This Senate bill in Pennsylvania is not being televised or reaching mainstream media, but the expert panel is stellar like others I’ve been trying to tune into. It connects with my previous work in the legal system so I really magnetize to these topics like childhood vaccination. I’m so strange though. Watching this reminds me to a prior blog post with the daimons Focalor and Malphas. I know I’m weird and it seems superstitious, but I see it as simply reading/channeling energy by feeling into the frequency or vibration of people, places, and so forth.

I’ve been silent on much in life because I don’t want to face the censorship over these topics. So as I’ve said you will find me dancing around a lot without having to take certain gambles. For two years now I’ve been choosing all my interactions, relationships, and words extremely carefully going so far as to abandon most social media. Power to those who have more courage and capability to enforce change right now! If you don’t follow what I’m speaking about you may need to backtrack to some blog posts also in January 2022 for reference. Freedom and liberty has taken and is taking too long to arrive! If you can’t understand or believe in a consciousness awakening I can’t really help you. If you can’t believe in negative intent existing alongside positive intent than the problem is you not me.

While the world slept through two years I chose to awaken!

“Man sacrifices his health in order to make money.Then he sacrifices money to recuperate his health. And then he is so anxious about the future, that he does not enjoy the present moment. As a result, he does not live in the present or the future, he lives as if he is never going to die, and then he dies having never truly lived.” – Unknown (Common Buckeye Butterfly)