Manifestation Mondays: Numb Out the Dark and You Numb Out the Light

“Since the very beginning humanity has been panning for gold and using it as trade. Our ancestors called it the prime ore deal soup.” – Unknown

If you’re willing to stick with this till the end I promise it will be worthwhile even if it does appear a bit redundant in the beginning. I’ve left some various gemstones of sparkly clues peppered throughout my blog post today that are located in the underlined hyperlink text for those brave enough to venture around for some perspectives to consider in their repertoire.

Garden wrap up at the end of my writing, but I’m trying very hard to get people to understand that our self help industry is actually why I left my life coach and certain other organizations behind. I’m all about us reaching our potentials so long as we don’t forget that without darkness you would not see the stars, planets, or anything in our solar system.

In other words if you’re only worshiping the light the truth is you’re missing out on a whole lot in life!

For the record pearls are not made without an irritant getting into the mantle tissue!


I had a very productive day yesterday with my part time cosmetology gig. Normally whoever is scheduled a Saturday works alone being that it’s generally a slower day for clients, but not yesterday. I completed the last of freight as well as began re-tagging the Aquage product line all while having a rather ample amount of customers making some larger than normal purchases.

I closed out the day with almost $4,000 in sales which is double what we normally do on most Saturday’s that I’ve worked since beginning in April 2022. That may sound like peanuts to some, but I’m not selling luxury automobiles rather we’re talking hair dye tubes, bowls, brushes, developer, foil, and other cosmetologist supplies which don’t exactly amount in the price range the same as other retail might.

Even with inflation we’re still talking unless you’re selling appliances like flat irons, trimmers, or hair dryers we’re not exactly breaking into the hundreds of dollars vicinity for individual items. And no to the dismay of some I’m not on commission although some items are supposed to qualify for this kind of practice.

We usually don’t seem to actually receive the product which qualifies for “spiff” money from our warehouse or those in charge of purchasing when it occurs during monthly adverts.

The last one featured they decided not to outfit our stores with the items that qualified for commission sales so I do have my own “attitude” towards being snubbed on this by our authority figures as I’ll refer to them. I sold our one and only new Chi Lava hair dryer though!

We’re looking into two asteroids today respectively; Agathon (31344) and Manas (3349). I’ve chosen a Lunar Opposition chart today, but taken from the Vedic/Sidereal analysis because of the fact that we’ve begun a Full Harvest Moon as well as Pitru Paksha which I touched on previously.

Something else I wanted to confront with anyone who reads my writings is that I’m not one of those toxic happiness culture numb out types nor do I like White Knight Syndrome.

In a nutshell Pitru Paksha is in my eyes a direct tie into being born in Magha nakshatra as I’ve said because it is ruled by Regulus, Ketu, and the Pitrs. The Full Moon within September/October of Bhadrapada ends on the New Moon. Many of these rituals involve rice ball offerings or black sesame seeds to secure blessings.

I had recently begun doing a lot of cooking with rice noodles and black sesame seeds with or upon the dietary changes I am currently making for myself. It is here that we see the dualistic view of malefic versus benefic which shapes many a world view.

“One of the cheapest elements which just costs 5 cents to buy is nickel.” – Unknown

These offerings in whichever form one may practice are believed to reach one’s ancestors directly through the powerful rays of the Sun. There are beliefs this can be performed for those who have departed in unnatural ways by accident or whose dates of death are unknown.

The significance really belonging to giving one’s ancestors salvation and peace from endless suffering that they may gain freedom. Others yet have strong holdings towards this helping them as descendants receiving blessings of a variety of forms. Funny word that suffering is. We often misconstrue so much!

Latin suffero has an etymological reference to supporting or sustaining, but we always immediately identify this word directly with pain rather than understanding it as a form of endurance, stamina, and persistence. What would we do if this was not thought of in terms of athletes training. Muscles strengthen when we properly endure hardship or take on strength training.

A tarot reader who spoke to this from her time in psychotherapy which I received a reading from spoke to this as well when she stated that you don’t rush any process of cocooning or healing because the worst thing to do with someone who is not in the stretch zone is to pressure them before they’re healed.

This will instead move them into the stress zone. That eventually, yes, there is a metamorphosis upon whcih the caterpillar is transmuted into the butterfly taking flight.

Essentially she was stating to me that now is an ideal time for me to likewise become the butterfly by sharing with others my life experiences in the hopes that they might too grow or learn from some of my successes as well as my obvious foibles! Instead she sensed there was a time period where I too had cocooned which I’ll admit was necessary to my own well being.

A great example of this was the patience it took in raising the swallowtails I acquired my first year of gardening. One of the caterpillars stayed in chrysalis with me for a full year before the butterfly emerged and took flight.

All of his/her siblings had already emerged and left their surrogate mother, but this one waited a full year until the date of my maternal grandfather’s birthday who had passed on before he/she decided to embark on the next leg of their life’s path/purpose.

There was nothing more you could do except patiently wait and observe not as a nervous ninny, but as any parent would tend to their young who will soon leave the nest.

I have a lot of people around me I think in life who expect or even desire me to be that which I am not therefore if this is the case you might want to “follow” someone else. I’m not that kind of an influencer in life nor do I plan to be.

If you’re looking for fakery you’ve come to the wrong corner of the interweb. I’m not a click funnel, I’m not doing affiliate marketing, and the only thing I’ve attempted to sell is astrology via my online business.

I don’t review items as I did for cosmetology PR when I owned my spa although I was quite truthful in my reviews when I began that venture. The point is if you don’t like what I write don’t click “like” or “follow” just for the hope of gaining something back from me because while I occasionally do reciprocal it usually is done for that which I find value in not out of shallowness.

In fact I’m going to be honest that I’m tired of explaining all of this redundantly from time to time that I’ve been online creating since the late 90s so I know that the interweb is not the place it once was.

Therefore I’m well aware of scams, deep fakes, data harvesting, the damage of search engines constantly directing one to first page listings with either a virus or malware linked to it, censorship, and automation hence artificial intelligence is fake because you can interact with chat bots pretending to be real.

Like the fashion or tell-a-lie-vision industries the interweb is full of equally as much Photoshop, CGI, green screen, and “glamour” making as ever. So much of it is not real, but rather a mirage!

“This book has anti-gravity qualities – it’s unputdownable.” – Unknown

I even left Twitter at what was the largest of times for me to incur crypto cons, automated feeds putting kiddie porn in with no way to report it to anyone who would correct it because it should have been directed to the authorities or removed, political ops pushing blunt Communism and other ideologies, and more all becoming harassment with only a small handful of legitimate real or even decent people following my business or blog.

Such is the spider’s current web which has been woven by all involved in creating what we now see when we logon to this little cyber/virtual reality. Again as I’ve said it’s not words that define us, but the actions that showcase the character of who we all are.

Anyone can be fraudulent at this point if we don’t do our fair share of critical thinking or research. Twitter was a mess where I would find that it fully automated by data harvesting anything from anyone who followed me creating a list of “interests” it thought I shared with my followers. In a nutshell their system made me feel violated.

This is how I began to see topics I did not wish to be affiliated with showing up in my feed every second, minute, hour, day, week, and so forth. If someone followed you and as I said above had kiddie porn or human trafficking or other inauspiciousness tied to them then Twitter would put it on your list as well.

That’s just the trouble with allowing an algorithm to determine the results in life instead of allowing humans to exercise their agency! But in today’s world most everyone wants to worship at the altar of a binary coded deified system of technocracy. After a lot of headaches I had realized why I was sick of big tech social media choosing to wipe my account and delete it in its entirety within the same action plan.

You could say this began my own cocooning phase because outside of a barely known blog or business website I have decided for a while to not commit to the mass online media platform craze. Something that Facebook would not allow me to do with my spa business whom I still openly have a lot of disdain towards because I still get people inquiring of services or products for a business DBA I closed.

Why they refused to delete my business page likely has to do with their obscene terms of service where they claim anything you upload becomes their property. Food for thought with so many utilizing them for personal objectification! I don’t wish to be owned by big tech mass media.

The reason we are looking at these asteroids today is because they form a tie in with everything I usually put my radar on about humanity within psychology/esoterics. I’m not a dogmatist as I’ve also repeatedly said therefore I try hard to avoid websites that use holidays, astrology, or indulgences to entice clients because again frankly you’re removing agency from people in my estimation.

I see this as deceptive unless someone has not the time to perform anything themselves in their own manner/fashion to develop a spiritual practice. Why do you need to employ another person besides yourself as the intermediary to reach God/Goddess?

Legalisms are not my cup of tea, but I understand why some have created a foundation for rituals although everyone should be comfortable to translate said ceremony into their own. Instead we have an entire world of do’s and don’ts in a dualistic society popping up everywhere for almost everything under the Sun or Universe/Cosmos.

Most of these are assumptive of things that drive me as nuts as when I approached learning Judaism feeling put off by legalist orthodoxy because to me it kills the spirit of everything when you are so rigid or limited thinking. If people assume I’m stuck in the past rather than the present they also have the wrong idea because we learn hopefully by reflecting upon our his or her story rather than repeat it.

Some never learn, however, continuously repeating their mistakes. Still others throw around terminology to label others without much thought because one term rampant is narcissism that everyone in the “New Age” wants to use as a blanket term for that which offends not understanding that it’s not even comical at this point.

The term is always being redefined within medical journals as well which I call hoodwinkery with neural linguistic programming because no one is looking beyond a pre-ordained definition given to them by someone who also may be contextually illiterate.

For one this is beyond excessive love of self or staring into the reflection of one’s self, but borders on sexual desire for one’s own body. Taken from German narzissismus it is often described as autosexuality beyond egocentrism.

For those not getting where I’m going this means that one would actually have to behave as if reflexive towards sexual activity, concern, potency, identity, and orientation only with themself never desiring sexual activity with anyone else.

While there would be many other variations of this term to arise from the minds of our esteemed leadership who also think they know-it-all we should be ensuring that we also correctly recognize the role we play in misidentifying others lest we want to possibly pay the price of slander/libel one day for which there are legal rammifications.

The other day, for example, I utilized the term jerk in defining others I get aggravated with which someone would say is equally offensive, but is really referring to a person who is dull or suffering from ignorance. We all can become imbibed with those characteristics from time to time therefore in my life I have also played the role or archetype of a “jerk” sometimes becoming unlikable or obnoxious.

“I held up my wall clock to the mirror. It was time for reflection.” – Unknown

Now someone somewhere will ask why I share what I do if my beliefs may differ from those I’ve used within my underlined hyperlink text, but the fact of the matter is we’re all learning from one another. That is what diversity is all about.

An ability to agree to disagree or to accept what makes us uniquely different as we find ways to be true to our selves. Nothing in my blog posts has ever been a one stop for it is actually often an evolution of studying as well as getting to know me alongside other/we.

I’m well aware someone will say I discuss this way too much, but here is the rub for me. If you always view anything outside of positivity and happiness culture as a negative you’ve created a shadow or projection of that which you won’t integrate within yourself.

This is a psychological issue I’ve also been larping or harping upon for months. No, I can not control others. When I said my circle of influence was small I was implying that really the only person we control is ourselves.

I also know that my approach can sound like I’m consistently complaining rather than offering constructive feedback for the myriad experiences I’ve learned something from in life. One being when I had my spa business offering mineral makeup with a glitter/adhesive combination aimed at cheer or drill teams. The catch I learned was you can never sell direct to any college or high school nor dance school that was stand alone.

With the idea that we’ve evolved or have made life simpler we learn that our rules have rules for rules. It was always a matter of that you had to know how to put in bids and compete to earn a contract that the organization would assign not you.

I even tried forming a contract with a beauty school in Arlington that I had been partnering with for selling my items. Reason being I was always attending their beauty school industry show every October and selling in a booth rental to recent graduates earning their licenses.

No one wanted to take on the contract or bid when offered no matter what you drew up. Another being that I’ve learned that app stores and others use deceptive marketing to sell their services as well as put up paid for disputable unrealistic reviews to sway public opinion.

It’s not complaining in any shape or form rather it’s to educate someone so they’re not repeating the mistakes I’ve already encountered and grown from. Naivety and ignorance both not really being all they’re cracked up to be when silly claims that they might be bliss are absurd at best! I’ve got people throwing pipe dreams and castles in the sky that are not even grounded in reality at me almost all the time.

Many of them being pyramid schemes with a re-arranged lingo attached to them in the hopes that some poor soul won’t be able to intuit the truth out of the swindle! Yes, you all know who you are. Are you working for yourself or someone else?

If there is a hierarchy in a supposed self made business than it’s not unreasonable to see it as a nuanced pyramid scheme where minions work for those at the top reminding me of some form of thralldom many are not recognizing. If we used this in light of my astrology business we’d see that I’m a sole proprietor so I work for self not for any other hierarchy.

Whatever we dislike in others we have to integrate into ourselves. We have to acknowledge our unrest with why our mirror is feeding us something we’ve either repressed or ignored within our subconscious or unconscious.

Then we need to get to the root of our problem in terms of why we are shunning anger, sadness, grieving processes, melancholy, anxiety, and more as some obsession we are to destroy by dissociation, numbing out, or essentially self medicating with pharmaceuticals, food, shopping, or other means of escapism.

These are all the makings of the common traits of our inherited Piscean identity when one can not cope correctly with trauma, challenges, or adversity. As one commenter in this video puts it which I agree with we judge self or other vehemently when we should not especially regarding pain or suffering.

There is value to be found in the uncomfortableness of not always being “happy!” We learn more by our mistakes sometimes than a cake walk easy trek through life without a single misstep.

A great example is that months ago I touched on this in writing only to recognize many of these phrases or affirmations were one’s even I’d fallen victim of using when actively listening or trying to help out a family member, co-worker, or friend. It required a lot to admit to myself that maybe I was doing more harm than good simply by having what I thought was good intentions!

“Color itself is a degree of darkness.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

So why would someone decide upon asteroids bearing the terminology Agathon and Manas? Let’s look into these two terms briefly before we investigate their placements.

Ἀγάθων further derived from ἀγαθός forming the basis of Agathon as well as Agathos is best etymologically defined as made great, whose deeds are great, brave/noble, moral, and fortunate/useful. Hidden in this kernel of truth by contextually analyzing the word we find a link to Magha for which my nakshatra I was born into relates to Proto Indo European via méǵhs referencing etymologically big and great alongside Proto Celtic magios alluding to noble or chief.

It is within Old Swedish or Norse forms of Proto Germanic that we notice Magha is also the etymology of being able or having the strength to feel well or bad. This one word Agathon can suddenly be found to originate with Persian or Avestan as well as Hittite script as mēkkis etymologically valued as much, many, and numerous.

I’ve covered a lot of this when I studied the meaning of my name. If I wanted to I could trace this word linking it to a variety of other terms many are familiar with, but perhaps unaware of their family tree!

Studying linguistics this way helps me to be better skilled at comprehending the world around me especially as I worked in the the legal field in my youth therefore I’m quite well aware that anyone can twist meanings to suit their own gains often to serve some purpose that benefits them alone.

Which is why I’ve been a huge proponent that others begin doing some deeper research in life than taking anything at “face value.” Manas is going to be a little bit trickier for I’ve chosen to employ this through a far more esoteric lens than perhaps others would.

मनस् being the etymological value of the mind, intellect, perception, and will or desire. The doublet of मन would take this further as heart, emotion, soul, and temperament.

Regardless of any religion some see this as an aetheric double with a relation to the Monad or higher human mind. This then can be seen as understanding how our individual or collective karma depends upon whether manas gravitates downward into kama rupa at the seat of our animal passions or upwards to buddhi a spiritual ego. Strangely though I’m left with that phrase what goes up must come down.

The Lunar Opposition chart hereby is being utilized to look into the dreamlike influence of one’s subconscious or unconscious, intuition, and imagination for clarity of any conflicts that might present themselves with our recent Full Harvest Moon. It’s a better idea in my estimation to become conscious of these factors before they turn into their own acted out/upon realities without my awareness.

Lunar Opposition Chart for Asteroids Agathon and Manas

We can see that we are respectively focused within the 5th and 10th Houses today. 5th House representing our sense of discrimination, rationalization, and analytical skills tends to involve coherence, righteousness, higher education, spiritual learning, and is ruled by Leo with a natural significator of Jupiter relating to good fortune and wisdom.

10th House is a place of highest achievement, recognition, and a position for one’s professional endeavors, but we need to determine if one is ambitious or disinterested. Ruled by Capricorn we also need to discern if this is a characteristic workaholic.

Themes that perhaps others are not aware they should be assessing in their charts or allowing others to teach them. I have never advertised personal consultations, but I imagine they would work better with the astrology reports I am trying to offer making a client feel a little more comfortable with what they’re being given.

I’ve met a lot of people who struggle to comprehend their astrology reports even when their customized rather than cold readings generated by off hand software.

In the 5th House of Sagittarius at 11° we find Agathon while we can look to the 10th House of Aries for the Anaretic 29° of Manas. Anaretic implying that one must “master” the skills of this house/sign before they can precess to the next. Again I believe we may be viewing the Kite which I previously explained.

Asteroid Agathon squares Mercury and Jupiter while trining Venus. Meanwhile Asteroid Manas squares Saturn, sextiles Neptune, trines Pluto, and is sesquiquadrate Mercury. Let’s see if I’m picking up on any useful energies shall we.

Our mental faculties may be receiving a boost, but we need to guard against overlooking the facts or falling into wishful thinking. We may develop an increased curiosity for topics surrounding philosophy, morals/ethics, and foreign cultures/travel.

Yet we might also be grappling with a clash between the higher and lower mind where we need to determine if we’re going to fall prey to the rules of the game. If we’re not careful we can miss the small details while only observing the big picture.

The most important aspect of this phase is to heal one’s self worth and to focus on healing the physical body. Avoid overdoing things, laziness, and don’t misuse your finances at this time. If one is frustrated by setbacks they may need to instead realize that small actions have significant impacts.

One could begin to allow intuition to guide their actions more while avoiding becoming too otherworldly. It’s a good time to take responsibility for self when making positive changes, putting more energy into physical work or exercise, and feeling motivated or fearless in one’s endeavors.

If we think about it a large chunk of what we are often arguing about in life has more to do with opinions than factual based confrontations often due to being impassioned one way or the other. When our reactions slow down we finally get to know ourselves more intimately feeling less chaos about the parts that make us whole.

“What did the tick ask the clock? “Hey, what are you tocking about?”- Unknown

Beauty is a state of mind that is ever present and waiting to be entered. This degree knows instinctively that beauty is within the self and if allowed to shine forth will transform everything it touches. Rather than needing to strive to capture beauty the chart holder knows that beauty is to be found by allowing the self to be captured by it.

The Chandra Symbol for this degree is “A string of pearls.” The chart holder naturally realizes that all wisdom is connected and inherently all the same. Everything is permeated with wisdom. The big question, then, is how deeply do you go into it? For wisdom has different levels and takes on different colors in different contexts.

If you do the same thing over and over, such as read the same book, you gain nothing new from it unless you allow yourself to go deeper. Deeper is exactly where you need to keep going so that you move from the surface reflection of the pearls into their center. Work with guardian angel Chavakiah and daimon Marchosias.

Daimon Marchosias connects with the Nine of Cups, Moon, Pisces, and Pennyroyal. If there is an inner as well as outer innate power/strength than this daimon helps one stop feeling discouraged when confronting conflicts. Most would define Marchosias as an identifier for workaholism being that left uncontrolled this energy can make one work a lot of long hours when not kept in check.

For women this daimon often makes one brave when confronting or trying to win a debate.

If you wish to overcome a chronic addiction Marchosias is a very good daimon to employ. You’ll learn to become focused and disciplined towards goals you set for yourself.

The chart holder is fully aware that living is a dirty business and like a flower they would have to delve into the thick of it if they were ever going to bloom. All the things that had disintegrated to make the soil spilled over the edges of the chart holder’s imagination mixing with the rocks that had gnashed their gray teeth against each other to make clay.

The rain gave it all smoothness and flow. It was a pleasure growing into it and up out of it, caught in the middle, which was exactly where the chart holder had planted themself. Work with guardian angel Reiyel and daimon Astaroth.

Daimon Astaroth links us to the the Three of Pentacles, Venus, Vervain, and Capricorn. I’m going to refer everyone to this blog post for Astaroth as I think it was a better description and synopsis.

Sky Tours of Sagittarius and Aries

We have a total of three fixed stars for these degrees including Vertex the spiral galaxy within Andromeda’s thigh, Alrisha the knot of Pisces the Fishes, and Alwaid in Draco the Dragon.

We know the mythology of Andromeda deals with the maiden in distress archetype. What we ignore, however, is the prefix andro and andreia relate to courage. An example of this being the hormone and drug androstendione as a direct precursor to testotsterone.

Ironic then is it not that the word andere in Basque refers to a lady. It is the meda of this name which asks us to be mindful, give heed to, and meditate upon taking appropriate measures while we likewise ignore the name Medusa relating towards a ruler or guardian which some interpret as she who reigns over humanity.

Alrisha comes to us via the Arabic terminology of Ukd al H’aitain no longer used today for the Cord which is 20° south from the head of Aries making the knot within Pisces. These united cords join the two fishes. Some defined this as a flaxen thread/bond.

Kabbalists associated this fixed star with the Hebrew letter Pe/Peh and the tarot trump The Star. I was born in 1979 for those seeking a reference as it will make more sense with the next fixed star reference to Scorpio through the tarot trump Death.

Lastly Alwaid has been sometimes described as the nebulous star in the dragon’s eye. There is not much really given for this fixed star beyond a somber nature, penetrating analytical mind, and travel.

Some considered this to indicate robbery or accidental poisoning. Kabbalists associate this fixed star with the Hebrew letter Mem and the tarot trump Death.

Herein is another rub to consider if you’ve not read older writings about my health, the pharmaceutical industry which I’ve dealt with in terms of terrible prescribed drugs which left me with toxicity, or any other issues I’ve been working to address for self and other.

You probably are not going to be able to get to know or understand me very well if you take the easy route. The reason I said I won’t pretend to be that which I am not is that those kinds of relationships are cliches and falsehoods.

We in fact spend a lot of time trying to remold one another not into that which is true to self, but is rather what others wish to see in us as an attempt to “fit in.” Why? Because the ego wants to belong which is why sometimes I do have to laugh at the “there is no ‘I’ movement” being that it’s also part of a dichotomy that does not necessarily see it’s own faults.

The objective of this movement is to gain unity which is just another form of egotism trying to “fit in.” Most of our misadventures lie in mistakenly believing that we’ve succeeded in something with which we’re still grappling to fully understand.

That being this incessant urge to merge back into whence we came. This is perhaps why so many people state that when you think you’ve crossed the finish line or achieved something great you may very well be deluding yourself into another snare/trap.

Why are we so obsessed with being part of a collective as if we desperately need to look like the Star Trek Borg exactly instead of celebrating our individuality and uniqueness? Because if I was honest the very last thing I want to succeed at is becoming the Borg Hive Mind! I think this is where I’d state one person’s heaven is another’s hell.

Funny is it not that we say self help is to be a better version of ourselves, but this is rooted in judgment based ideology of identitying with perhaps self dislike or self hate in a society that made slogans such as “Be like _______” conditioning one to not be themselves rather to imitate others. No that is not flattery!

Have an agitative and cerebral Monday now that I’ve played perhaps Devil’s Advocate by making your day have some friction! 🧠⁉️😨

As you can see the beans are back in full force. They have successfully fed upon their own compost and returned to bumper crop!
The peanuts the squirrels have planted from a neighbor who feeds them in my carrot, wildflower, and other beds have grown very large. We checked today and my step father pulled out a fully grown peanut off one of the plants.

I will need his help this week to harvest them and then dry them out!
The garden is winding down for the fall/winter. There will still be plenty of cleanup due to our neighbor’s trees dumping leaves, acorns, and other debris into our fenced garden.

Above is basil, marigolds, the non flowering hollyhock, and the bottlebrush.
The zinnias are picking up small amounts of powdery mildew on their leaves/stems from recent rains!

PS: I’ve had to re-publish this blog post after reverting to a draft. I forgot to add the garden images to the end of the blog post. I apologize for the confusion! 🥺🙏

Wisdom Wednesdays: Making the Unconscious Mind Conscious

The condition of being free from control, restrictions, imprisonment, slavery, forced labor, and excessive government control. The condition of being free to act, believe, or express oneself as one chooses. Do we still live by these principals?

The individual and collective unconscious consists of thoughts, feelings, drives, motives, and reactions of which many of us are often unaware. They influence every aspect of our lives including our mental, emotional, interpersonal, sexual, and professional relationships. Our unconscious also contains repressed memories that in daily life remains beneath our level of awareness.

The goal of making the unconscious conscious or bringing into our awareness the parts of our selves that have been repressed and split off is seen by some as very healing and necessary.

I grew up in a time in America before certain “new normals” were being birthed into the consciousness of many. Therefore I have different world views or perspectives than others which sometimes causes friction in relating. Albeit I spend a lot of time actually trying to not create conflict as I am a very conflict avoidant typology if one looked at my Enneagram as a 9 wing 1. The reason nines struggle with external peacemaking is our foremost concern is preservation of our inner peace. External peace is of secondary importance or perhaps more of a means to an end for us. We are peace lovers rather than peacemakers.

Getting to know a 9w1 looks like this:

For example, one job I worked in retail during my 30s I mentioned how I was graduating college when 9/11 occurred. I was literally finishing my last class and walking to my car as the event unfolded and learned of it from the radio of my SUV. I have family in New York on my step father’s side. My co-worker at the time looked at me and exclaimed “I was in fifth grade when that happened.” And I was struck with the limiting belief that I suddenly felt old; really old. Ignoring all the controversy around this event some family was employed as NYPD and NYFD. Those family members were around Ground Zero not the day of nor involved in clean up, but they were there to physically see the aftermath and tell us about it.

At 16 our family took a vacation to Chicago, Canada, and New York. We flew on a plane to Chicago and drove via rental car into Canada as during that time we needed no passport to cross the border and stayed in Niagara Falls before entering New York. The purpose was to see both maternal and step paternal family as my mom’s family is primarily living in Chicago.

It was at this age that I got to visit Ellis Island and climb the Statue of Liberty to the top level of her crown where the windows were open so you could look out and read the inscription in the book she carries in her hand and breathe in the ocean. And the significance this has on you may not truly sink in till you are older and wiser. When in your 40s life is unrecognizable to you. I say this because of the changes I have seen since my youth. Today our National Park Service mandates masks while inside all buildings and on Ellis Island. This would have been torture to me or my family when we went back then. It was July as my birthday is on the 26th so think of being in a metal structure with no air conditioner or air flow climbing several steps in summer heat with a mask on. Imagine this when family has asthma. The steps get smaller and smaller as you go higher. At the uppermost I believe I remember the stairs spiraling and having to climb with my feet sideways the steps were that small.

One change is that my maternal grandfather, a WW II Pacific Ocean Theater veteran, passed away at which time I inherited the entire history of my families matriarchal records. These records include birth, marriage, death, and cemetery plot information. I inherited my great grandmother’s high school yearbook from 3 years before the Great Depression, a California king oak bed, and a photo of a grandfather from a prior generation who served in the Civil War as a Union soldier in his military dress uniform. And within this the importance of history and immigration since my maternal family ventured to this nation circa early 1800s from Germany and Denmark with a mixed bag in terms of even spirituality being also Ashkenazi Jewish and Protestant Lutheran. I went the route of my step father’s Sicilian culture. Don’t ask? I am still sorting this out.

I was raised with full freedom to learn all religions and to choose whatever I want even to be atheist or agnostic. By my 20s I was Catholic which now I question the choice I made. Looking back having learned other spiritual practices I always question the motivation leading to that moment. A good long hard look that says why?

At age 39 my step father wanted to give me a ring for my birthday. And again with no real research or thought I felt drawn to have a ring for my left index finger since I am a South Paw or lefty. I was given a United States quarter minted the year of my birth. And to anyone who does not dig into symbols this obsession of mine to know myself or others seems banal or trivial until someone explains how the unconscious mind is at play.

I bought a book on palmistry since I am in my 40s now and heavily into psychoanalysis or esoterics. To my wondrous amazement I learned very quickly that this also matched my studies of astrology and Kabbalah. This index finger is known as our Jupiter finger. Wearing a ring here unconsciously emphasizes the meaning of this planet and finger. What does that imply? Well at birth my Jupiter was in Leo 10th House. And this finger can be seen as a Yod as well which is an astrology configuration. The Tree of Life places Jupiter with Chesed. Chesed is a benevolent ruler whose name translates as “kindness/mercy.” It is the power of growth and expansion, stability and extension, and willing to provide structure and stability. Kind of nature this also represents charity and generosity.

I even came across this fellow astrologer’s older entry in my studies not long ago.

Natal Wheel Via for reference.

One wants to boost their self confidence, take on roles of leadership, and improve their sense of personal power. It is the finger that stands apart from the rest indicating a person who likes to be in the spotlight and has to keep their ego a bit in check at the same time literally. On the dominant hand this ring holds a desire or drive to take action and be noticed for one’s achievements. Jupiter is seen in astrology as the following:

• the higher self
• luck
• abundance
• generosity
• spirituality
• philosophy
• universities
• growth
• morality

Jupiter is not so much about religion as it is widely about faith in life and looking on the brighter side. There are times in life when all you can do is to hope that things will work out for the best of yourself and others. Jupiter is the planet of faith in astrology believing that everything will be good not because of desperate hopelessness, but because it knows deep down that things will turn out right in the end. It’s an unshakable faith that life is worth living and adversity is stepping stones towards a more evolved and fulfilled life.

Would you also like to learn more about Jupiter’s esoteric meaning? Below are two links to information I read a few months ago.

This same finger holds an entirely different meaning in Kabbalah as I was researching my Ashkenazi Jewish roots. In Kabbalah we may begin to see this as the wedding ring finger at one point in time. You can read about this in the links I provide below:

I was essentially looking for lost parts of myself because being in Texas I did not see family very often. That sounds absurd I know. My family did not take trips north to Chicago or New York with me until I was 16. Again when I was 29 post graduate as a licensed aesthetician. We took vacations, but we have not traveled outside of the USA except for Canada and we have stayed down south along the border as I was born in Sunshine State Florida (Clearwater to be exact). So you can imagine for me this search has been more than a little unusual in light of political climes recently as well. If one is not becoming aware of their unconscious or even subconscious it is said they go through life not really active in what they are manifesting or even attracting.

Paternal family is actually complicated. My biological father I have no contact with for personal reasons that I disclose to a select few out of not secrecy, but personal safety given how that divorce transpired for my mom and I. I do, however, know the DNA is Anglo Saxon, Nordic, and an extremely small percent Ethiopian and Middle Eastern. It again also has Ashkenazi Jewish within it as well much like the maternal lineage. And really I did not know any of this until I inherited family records and took an interest in really digging for answers or clues.

Now this little Washington quarter ring has three phrases on it that struck me as important to take note of. These phrases are:

• Liberty

• In God We Trust

• E Pluribus Unum

If we were to translate this symbolism a bit further we would find that Kabbalah tends to view the left as the desire to receive not necessarily for self alone. Reiki actually presents another dimension to this. Kuji-kiri or the Nine Symbolic Cuts for example is seen in Japanese martial arts.

  • (臨) Rin – Power
  • (兵) Hyo/Pyo – Energy
  • (闘) Toh – Harmony
  • (者) Sha – Healing
  • (皆) Kai – Intuition
  • (陣) Jin – Awareness
  • (列) Retsu – Dimension
  • (在) Zai – Creation
  • (前) Zen – Absolute

Kuji-in are created via the gesture of both hands. The left hand Taizokai represents a receptive valence while the right hand Kongokai conveys an emitter valence. The Kuji-kiri performed with the right hand emphasizes the cut of ignorance or Maya (illusion and the deceptive sensory world) through the Sword of Wisdom. According to the belief system of Shingon Mikkyo one would create an opening in the daily world that allows oneself to reach various states of consciousness.

The origin of this is seen by scholars as Taoist not Buddhist. This is also largely viewed as a layman’s practice not found in orthodox Buddhist traditions. Rather you’ll find it within Shugendo, ascetic mountain traditions of Japan, and Shinto. There are numerous variations of the nine original Taoist kuji in Japanese Buddhism. In Taoism the number nine is seen in divination as a perfect number for yang/yo or the “bright side” when determining individual hexagram lines of the I-Ching or Book of Changes. Some scholars suggest that the number nine refers to the nine planets which Taoists believe directly influence human destiny or to the seven stars of the Big Dipper plus the two attendant/guardian stars which Taoists believe to be the gateway to heaven and that each star is a Taoist deity.

These nine hand seals refer to mudra, mantra, and meditation. In this way Kuji-in are seen as obvious influences of onmyodo (the way of Yin and Yang) encompassing all cosmic phenomena and eternity between two polar opposites. There is even a mudra known as gejishi-in (gesture of the outer lion) and its immediate counterpart naijishi-in (gesture of the inner lion) clearly representing this Yin/Yang relation. The two lions are commonly seen outside the doors of Buddhist temples where they stand as guardians against evil and baleful influences. The first lion utters the sound “A” to symbolize the Alpha; all reality and phenomena are said to neither absolutely exist nor non-exist. They arise in dependence upon conditions and cease when those conditions cease. The second lion utters the sound “Un” (Hūm) which symbolizes the Omega; the destruction of all evils summarizing the two basic false views of nihilism and externalism showing them to be false. There is neither real nor unreal.

For more information on Kuji-kiri please visit the following links:—il-gesto-e-il-suono-magico/kuji-kiri?_x_tr_sch=http&_x_tr_sl=auto&_x_tr_tl=en&_x_tr_hl=en&_x_tr_pto=nui

Why does this even matter? What does freedom look like to you? What does spirituality look like to you? I am asking because I legitimately wish to hear the perspectives of my audience to enrich my own so I am not walking around with limited beliefs. So the floor opens for you to talk to me as well. That ball is in your court.

Is freedom something such as debt forgiveness or a jubilee that evokes a sense of financial freedom? Is freedom from slavery eradication of usury or debt slavery which perpetuates amortization and poverty consciousness? Is freedom the eradication of human or sex trafficking? Would freedom remove social or behavioral engineering that many are victimized by making their course in life a battle against finding and being their true selves?

Does freedom look like my body my choice and to what extreme is this ideology acceptable for a select few while for others bodily autonomy has no place whatsoever? Or what is bodily autonomy because I believe the issue is so much more than achieving abortion rights since I know and live in this body not someone else. Yes I identify as a woman who is proud to be female and heteronormative. Zero offense to others. I am not here to judge you so please try to not judge me either. We need to respect one another’s differences. Is freedom from slavery the eradication of factory farms and the abuse of animals for a food source when they are also sentient life? Is freedom the ability for all to reach moksha or the final liberation of the soul or consciousness from samsara as a means to ending all suffering involved in being subject to the laws and cycles of reincarnation?

Those questions above are the tip of a larger panoply of issues I see some address presently online that make up not just an American world view, but views of global human citizenry. Please leave me comments on this so I can openly hear from others and expand my awareness and understanding. It is my sincerest belief that these concepts are not just an American Manifest Destiny, but may have been unconscious or subconscious destinies that we collectively sought to accomplish and achieve.

I am wondering if we are getting closer or further away from these ideals or if they are in fact the principals of bygone eras and times that to many others no longer hold any values except to a random few who are becoming self aware through the act of introspection, meditation, and study. And maybe for me it is more pronounced due to my Vedic astrology chart. Being born in Magha lunar mansion or nakshatra as a previous blog entry mentioned we have a tendency to hold to our traditions, ancestors including sometimes veneration, and we take a more detached view of life. But I have been grappling with a question for months. Are we entering another Dark Age, are we evolving or devolving, are we regressing? Who owns us mind, body, and soul? What have we sacrificed for security or out of fear of the unknown? The start of this particular decade has given me a bit of a gut wrenching knee jerk shell shock if I am honest. I would not expect for others to really understand this amidst so many divisive realities I have recently been exposed to that epitomize dualistic or extremist value systems as their foundations.

Only one part of my Vedic astrology chart via for reference.

I won’t be angry by what you share. I may be a wee bit triggered at times when I confront certain topics, but I am learning everyday how to continuously shed my older more limiting concepts in life and move away from ignorance. De-programming is not an overnight process.

PS: I actually have my own astrology software I use on my laptop, but I was composing this entry on my iPhone. We do travel just not always to see family and we have not made it to Mexico nor across the ocean outside of the USA. Some of that includes financial reasons believe it or not. I tend to travel instead vicariously through what others share with me online. And again I empathize and apologize if this was triggering for my audience. My intent is that we consciously and collectively open up discussions in a respectful way to legitimately grow in understanding ourselves. Please remember everyone carries baggage, and we are all trying to presently work through it sifting what we should retain and what needs to be let go of.

Places my family and I have gone also include:

New Mexico, Louisiana, Alabama, Mississippi, Missouri, California, North/South Dakota, Georgia, Oklahoma, Kansas, Nevada, Michigan, and Arizona